Most of our fights started because of petty details, and the way they snowballed often blindsided me. One minute I’m “just expressing my frustration”, the next minute my husband has gone all quiet, and I now have to ask, “What’s wrong? What did I say?”
I was single for most of my twenties, which I didn’t really mind at first. But when our peers started to get married one by one, my “single” status began to stick out like a sore thumb.
The last time I heard someone say he wasn’t ready for Jesus to come yet, it was my uncle, who had said that because he wanted to see my cousin get married first.
I’ll be honest, the same thought has also occurred to me.
There’s been a lot of buzz about “quiet quitting”, which began with a series of TikTok videos talking about the woes of the hustle culture and how we ought to take back our lives.
I was that friend who once dated a non-Christian. Let me tell you my story.
I’ve had my share of friendship “fades”, the kind of drifting apart that comes with growing up, moving away, getting married, having children.
But I’ve never had a friendship “breakup”.
“What we’re trying to do is—even when the anxiety stays—help you learn to live with it,” said my therapist for the umpteenth time.
I know what my therapist said is true, but it’s still a hard pill to swallow.
Even though my husband was literally just a few feet away on the couch (clear proof that I wasn’t alone), it made little difference at that moment. I was longing for the kind of soul-nourishing intimacy that comes with female friendships—the willingness to listen and talk at length, the gentle tone, the comforting hug or touch on the shoulder, and most of all, hearing them say, “I know what you mean” or “Yeah, me too!”
My family has always been what some might describe as ‘textbook Christian’: We go to church every Sunday, and attend fellowships and retreats. We read the Bible, join Bible study groups, and hold Bible study sessions at home. We believe that a family that prays together stays together.
And yet, it has always been painful for me to see how much conflict and tension we have in our home.