How I’m Learning to Focus on the Present

Written by Rachael Chong, Singapore

The news came just after our first anniversary – we were expecting a baby! When the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, hugs and squeals of joy followed.

But as days and weeks went by, the initial thrill was eclipsed by the ills of early pregnancy – morning sickness, loss of appetite, and a general drop in energy level. This persisted throughout my first trimester and lingered on in my second. I felt so miserable that I couldn’t help but question how pregnancy was a gift.

Then we had to start on the preparations for the baby’s arrival – acquiring supplies, trawling through endless research and making post-partum caregiving arrangements.

Anticipating all these demands made me feel anxious and deeply inadequate. I couldn’t help but worry that I wouldn’t live up to the expectations of a “good parent”.

3 Truths For When You Feel Inadequate Although my life is generally free from life-threatening dangers and perils, I still find much to be afraid of. I’m afraid of large dogs. I’m afraid of leaving a bad impression.

Exchanging my load for His

I realise that in the flurry of preparing for parenthood, I’ve become pridefully fixated on getting everything right, forgetting that it is the sovereign and all-knowing God who holds everything in His hands.

In my struggle, I am thankful for the reminder from Matthew 11:28-30, in which Jesus bids us who are heavy-laden to exchange our strivings and burdens for His rest. I’m reminded to give up my self-reliance and commit my plans to Him, knowing that ultimately He is the One who directs my footsteps (Proverbs 16:9).

As I reflect on what it means to commit my plans to God, I thought of five ways to help me focus on living for Him in this season:

1. Depend on His grace every moment

Since I started going for routine check-ups and ultrasound scans, each visit has brought new findings of the baby’s growth and potential risks, which led to new anxiety. First, I found out that I had a low-lying placenta, which meant we couldn’t purchase maternity insurance. Then I was discovered to have gestational diabetes, which further restricted my already poor food intake.

As I wrestled with these worries, Philippians 4:6 reminded me to not be anxious but present my requests to God, remembering that He watches over all things big and small (Matthew 6:26-30).

Even though we were unable to get insurance, I am reminded that our security is in God, and we can trust in His gracious provision. I can rely on His strength to adjust to each change as they come, and not fret about what is not within my control.

3 Truths That Grounded Me Amid My “What Ifs” Many of us think that faith and fear cannot co-exist, as if a faithful Christian should not feel a tinge of fear. However, fear is often a fertile ground for faith to flourish.

2. Guard our marriage

Even as the assignment of parenthood looms large, I’m reminded to not neglect our marriage, but to continue nurturing it, seeing as the way we love each other is part of how my child will see Christ’s love in action. Even the little things like expressing appreciation go a long way in making each other feel loved and cared for.

We’ve also set aside time to study God’s word together so that we will not only receive the wisdom and guidance we need for parenting, but also for our marriage. I’ve learnt to share my fears with my husband so we could pray together over each of these worries. Discussing all parenting advice we’ve gleaned has also been helpful in aligning our expectations as we consider what is important for godly upbringing.

I pray that down the line, when we find ourselves quibbling over how to discipline or gain favour with our child, that God will help us remember to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).

3. Give thanks amidst the joys and pains

Looking back at the last 8 months, I am immensely grateful for the support from my parents and parents-in-law, the latter who have helped cooked healthy dinners to accommodate my diet. I am amazed by how God has sustained me through the numerous check-ups and accompanying fears, and allowed me to continue working throughout most of my pregnancy. My colleagues have also been supportive in filling in for me, knowing my physical limitations.

All There: 5 Tips on Being Fully Present with God Ever conversed with a person who just really makes you feel heard and received? Who’s undistracted, and all there? Here’s my aha moment of late: Real presence with other people actually begins with the way we’re present with God.

4. Serve fellow mums

Being fixated on getting everything right sometimes pushes me to withdraw from community. I fear being compared to other mums and realising I’m not giving the “best” to my child.

But being a mum-to-be has given me the privilege of joining a mums group at my church. I learned of them while I was looking for baby things, and am amazed at how generous these mums have been in sharing their supplies and advice.

The way they readily offer prayer and practical support forms such a lovely picture of what it means to bear each other’s burdens! I need not shrink back for fear of looking bad, for I can trust in the gentleness of fellow moms-in-Christ in my times of weakness.

As I think about how grateful I am to receive their love and support, this also makes me think about how I can love and serve them in return, such as texting them to ask how they are coping and offer to pray for them, and even pay them a visit to bring some food or help babysit.

5. See all work as serving the Lord

People ask me whether I plan to return to work. While I appreciate the work and dedication of stay-home mums (as my mum was), there is the temptation to see my job as a “back-up plan” to escape childcare responsibilities if they become overwhelming.

But as God calls us to work heartily for Him (Colossians 3:23), I’m reminded to not see my decision as binary—either work or be a stay-home mum, and to not think that one form of work is superior to or more sacred than the other.

Rather, I’m encouraged to focus on considering how I can best bring my child up in the fear of the Lord. And if time and energy permit, to engage in purposeful work, like doing flexible work or being more involved in church ministry.

5 Myths About Faithfulness We all struggle with faithfulness from time to time, but sometimes, we may be experiencing guilt about the wrong thing or feeling frustrated because our ideas of what faithfulness looks like aren’t playing out in our lives. Here are five myths we may be holding onto about what it really means to be faithful.

As I feel the squirming and occasional kick in my tummy, it’s amazing to think that the Creator God is forming my child’s inward parts and knitting him together in my womb. His eyes see my child’s unformed substance and all the days formed for him have already been written in His book (Psalm 139:13,16)!

May I not forget that my child belongs to God— his life is not ours to possess and run however we see fit, but a gift for us to steward in God’s grace and strength and to surrender to His perfect control.

And just as my child is His unique, precious creation, so am I His handiwork, created in Christ to do good works, which God has prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). May He find me faithful, in season and out of season, doing His good, pleasing and perfect will.