The news came just after our first anniversary. When the doctor confirmed my pregnancy, hugs and squeals of joy followed.
But the initial thrill was soon eclipsed by the ills of early pregnancy – morning sickness, loss of appetite, and a drop in energy level.
I was found in a public location in China when I was a few days old and taken to an orphanage.
We were in a relationship for seven years. It ended when I told him that I would choose career over relationship.
When I finally realised that he was truly important in my life, I got in touch with him again, hoping we could get back together. But I was too late.
I prayed about it. I also asked my church mentor and family for advice, and they were supportive. But after 1 1⁄2 years of being on dating apps and going on dating events, I have decided that these are not for me.
Two years into my first job, I decided to quit and pursue a master’s degree so I could go into different field.
I remember reading a lot of Christian resources about God’s leading, and came to the conclusion that God’s will is for us to keep moving forward in life and to do “big and brave” things for Him.
I was exposed to both Christianity and Buddhism as a child. I was 10 when I came to develop a relationship with God. But this was a fearful secret that I hid from my father for years.
Growing up, I had always loved numbers. In school, I often got the highest scores on math and science subjects.
But when it came to any subject involving words, I struggled with the lack of “structure”, solutions and formulas.
I thought that knowing my condition would be enough for me to help myself. But having a diagnosis did not lessen my struggles or make them easier.
I sometimes wish I had a clear mandate from God, like how He had directed Abraham in no uncertain terms on where to go (Genesis 12:1–5). If only I could be as sure as Abraham, that I was going where God had planned for me to be!
But I never got clear answers to my prayers. Instead, I made a decision based on what I knew and believed at that point, and asked God to see me through it.