The assaults left no physical scars. My rage and bitterness felt like the only tangible signs I had to demonstrate that something terrible had happened to me. If I just forgave her, was I telling everyone that the injustice didn’t matter?
About Nelle Lim
Nelle Lim is an educator, a writer, and an academic. She grew up in New Zealand but now lives in Singapore, and is still getting used to the tropical weather. Writers like Philip Yancey, Eugene Peterson, and Annie Dillard have been her lifelines, their incredible words helping her reach for God throughout the years. She loves a good hike, reruns of classic TV, and having meals with close friends.
Entries by Nelle Lim
Dear Joshua and Marty,
I read your announcements within weeks of each other and can only imagine the circumstances that led you both to write your posts. I know enough to recognize that what you’ve told the public will only be a fraction of an intense and complex story.
I’d never really thought of myself as an anxious person. If anything, I’d always tended to take my fears by the horns and battle with them until I prevailed. But things started to change when I signed up for graduate school while most of my friends went to work full-time.
Some time in my early 20s, I sat across the table from my mentor and pleaded with her to explain how grace worked. Life wasn’t quite going the way I wanted and I’d subconsciously been trying to “live right” in the hope that I could wrangle some blessings out of God. I’d exhausted myself, and still my attempts weren’t working.
I was sexually assaulted by a senior member of my church’s staff for four years. I was 21, and was doing an internship at my local church to explore a calling to full-time ministry. She was 42, and a director of the discipleship department.
I was standing at the precipice of a new season, nervously anticipating the last day of my salaried job and the dreaded world of freelancing that awaited me after. It wasn’t a career move that I’d chosen. But the company wasn’t doing well, so I’d been retrenched.
I had a very clear vision of what my life should look like. I was supposed to be married by now, for one. There was someone I had called the love of my life.
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