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I Don’t Have A Life-Changing Testimony, And That’s OK

Written By Jean, Malaysia, Originally In Simplified Chinese

I was born into a Christian family. Since I was young, I have been attending weekly Sunday School classes, Sunday services and even family cell groups.

Growing up in church, I often heard stories of people’s extraordinary encounters with God. Some were healed from their sicknesses. Some heard God’s voice when they were invited to church one day. Some were filled with the Holy Spirit and after accepting Christ, their lives were completely transformed.

Such testimonies amazed me. I came to believe that if I, too, had such a powerful testimony, I could definitely bring more people to Christ.

Even though I fully believed that Jesus died for my sins and resurrected after three days,  I was once told that the mark of someone who is saved is a life-changing testimony. After some time, I started to believe that only believers with such compelling testimonies were true Christians. And this bothered me greatly because I didn’t have a dramatic testimony. Was I truly saved?

While wrestling with this question, I continued serving actively in church, reading the Bible, and praying daily. During this period, God faithfully ministered to me through sermons, His Word, and the people around me. In spite of these, I still struggled with my salvation.

In pursuit of a “perfect” testimony, I decided to deliberately attempt to stray from God. I stopped reading the Bible and praying. I also tried to serve less in church. I thought that having such experiences would give me a great story to share about how I had “turned away” from God and then turned back to Him again.

However, my heart was not at peace even as I went through with my plan. I was afraid to pray even though I wanted to. Then one day, I decided that it was time to “repent”, and I began to read the Bible and pray again.

Deep within, I felt quite pleased that I finally had a seemingly “perfect” testimony. However, whenever I thought about sharing this “testimony”, my heart would not be at peace—because I knew that I had fabricated it. Whenever I shared my “testimony”, I would always feel guilty.

I finally realized how foolish I had been when I was 16 years old and read an article that a friend had shared on Facebook, which was written for those who had grown up in Christian families.

It started with a story of a girl who was frustrated at not having a seemingly “perfect” testimony. She asked her mother if maybe she had not been “wayward enough,” and so God had not given her such a testimony? This grabbed my attention. Wasn’t this girl just like me?

I reflected on the article, and it reminded me that God gives all of us different stories. Even though I don’t have a dramatic testimony, I still have stories of my personal encounters with God in my daily life. For example, God has always been faithful in answering my prayers, whether I am praying over exams or friendships. Sharing these little stories with my family in Christ has often been encouraging for them.

And while I do not have any exciting stories to share with non-believers, I can still find many opportunities to share about God and how He’s worked in my life. Friends in school might ask me why I am not worried about exams, for example, and then I would have an opportunity to share about how God is with me in everything. I don’t have to envy the testimonies of others because God will use different stories to draw different people to Him.

Most importantly, the greatest story—the story of how Jesus came down to earth to redeem all men and draw us to God—has already been written, and all of us get to participate in that story.

I slowly came to the realization that I did not need a dramatic testimony to be saved. I was already saved when I acknowledged Christ as my God and believed in Him with my heart (Romans 10:9).

I felt ashamed of my ignorance. However, I was thankful for this experience as it reminded me that our Christian life is not just dependent on dramatic testimonies. What matters most is that I work on building my relationship with God, by spending time with Him daily, sharing my thoughts and feelings with Him, and asking for His guidance in life.

We don’t have to worry about having the “perfect” testimony, or envy others for their testimonies. Such envy is futile! The important thing is that we fight the good fight, run our race, and stand firm in our beliefs (2 Timothy 4:7).