Empty chair in waiting room - the waiting room called singleness

The Waiting Room Called “Singleness”

Written By Emily Burrill, USA

There’s a raging party that is sweeping across the world.

It’s exciting. It’s trendy. It has confetti and sparkly dresses and loud music. It’s desired by many. And it makes for some really swell Instagram photos.

There is also a waiting room to get into the party. The waiting room is dull. Its walls are bland and colorless. It’s crowded but full of empty people that desperately want to get invited to the party.

This is the sad reality of singleness in college. It is viewed as lonely, depressing, and weak. It’s a waiting room. All of these girls are waiting. Waiting for a chance for a cute boy with a hipster haircut and mad long boarding skills to ask them out on a date so they can finally take part in that raging party of being in a couple.

The more they wait, the more hopeless they become. They see more and more people being invited to the party. They see more and more marriage engagements on Facebook. They see more and more cute couple videos on YouTube. And while they wait, they deteriorate.

The waiting room destroys. It destroys self-esteem. It destroys confidence. It destroys body image. It destroys self-image.  It destroys from the inside out.

Soon, they start thinking they are not good enough to be loved. They are not pretty enough. They are not smart enough. They are not interesting enough. They are fat and ugly. They are not attractive to any man. It is their fault they are single.

Before long, they are completely hopeless. The only thing they have left is a lifeless shell of their exterior with nothing but self-loathing on the inside.

Ladies, the waiting room is a lie.

It is a lie that is handed to us directly from the hand of the devil. This lie is meant to empty us from the inside out. To leave us hopeless, depressed, anxious, broken and left with nothing.

The devil has lured us into the waiting room and made us obsessed with one goal: to get the guy, to date him, to get engaged to him, and to marry him. While that desire is valid and something I want as well, we may have unwittingly made this the most important goal in our life.

So this is my question: When did the guy become the goal instead of God?

Matthew 6:21 states, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” In other words, what you place as your goal is where your heart truly is. We have treasured a boy above God. We have desired a relationship with a man above a relationship with our Creator. We have destined ourselves to an end goal of marriage rather than a goal of everlasting life with our Father.

Ladies, he’s not the goal. He’s the goal.

So to all my single friends, don’t wait in the waiting room. The devil created it in a desperate attempt to weaken our self-identity and to distract us from the truth. We have been blinded to think that waiting for a man is like waiting for a party. A party that is too cool and too rad for us. The party is a lie. Ask anyone in a relationship. The reality of coupling isn’t as great as they portray on Instagram. Yes, it is a gift. But it is not the goal.

We have got to stop seeing relationships as the goal and singleness as a period of mundane waiting. We can partake in the greatest party in the history of humanity—a relationship with God. Growing closer to Him, loving Him, being with Him, all while investing in relationships with your girl friends, your guy friends, and your family. You can be unattached. You can go places. You can do things. You can empower. You can grow. You can have strength.

The waiting room is a place of destruction. It’s time to step out and live. Ladies, we are strong. We are influential. We have the power to do things that couples can’t do. We are undistracted. We have more time. We can empower.

Singleness is strength. And that is the truth.

So, my encouragement to you: Stand up, leave that waiting room, and live.

While you live, remember the truth; he’s not the goal. He’s the goal.

7 replies
  1. Natalie
    Natalie says:

    I really love this article—it depicts many truths that I want all of my sisters in Christ to see! However, I think these statements are a bit misleading:
    “We have the power to do things that couples can’t do. We are undistracted. We have more time. We can empower.”
    I think it’s important to remember that women in relationships can still empower, have time, and are not sentenced to a life of distraction after marriage. Single or married or anything in between, God seeks a relationship with and can use all of us, and we shouldn’t write off any group of women as unable to make positive change because of their relationship status. Amen, the waiting room is a lie! But the jail cell of being tied down in a relationship is also a lie. Great article!

    Reply
    • YMI
      YMI says:

      Hi Natalie! Definitely! We don’t think the Emily meant that women in relationships can’t make positive change because of their relationship status. Both groups can certainly be used by God 🙂 Thank you for your wise thoughts!

    • Kay
      Kay says:

      Hi Natalie,

      When I read those sentences, I thought of the Apostle Paul’s writing in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35
      “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

      So perhaps she didn’t mean it in a negative way but in a realistic way, Paul thought of singleness.

  2. Martha Riggs
    Martha Riggs says:

    You have written a beautiful article which is so very timely and relevant! Thank you for putting the TRUTH out there in order for others to realize their worth and value in God’s eyes. May all the lovely ladies who read your message gain strength and confidence from your heart-felt and well-written article!

    Reply
  3. 'Segun
    'Segun says:

    Lovely, motivating and strengthening article. Guys too have a lot to learn from this as I have also gained strength. Beyond relationships, there are other aspects of life where we have waiting rooms, career for example. “Live while waiting for the answers to your humble cry”

    Reply
  4. Jenny
    Jenny says:

    This is not a lovely article, it’s not helpful. It’s another married woman assuming that single women aren’t smart or spiritually mature enough to have a desire without idolising it. She’s married, she doesn’t understand, and it’s all very easy for her to say.

    She wants her single sisters to know, notice how she doesn’t say fellow single sisters, about the waiting room of whatever. But she doesn’t experience this.

    Leave singles alone to desire marriage without reminding us that we ‘don’t know what its like’. We are allowed to want marriage and to feel sad when we are single and don’t have all of the befits of marriage.

    Of course married women tell us the benefits of singleness, because they’re not the ones who are told that their benefit is service. Their benefit in marriage is sex and being pleased by a husband, being provided for.

    But singles are supposed to serve serve serve. Does she address how hard this is, no. Because only married people are seen as having legitimate problems.

    She is belittling how hard and painful single life is. If it was so great than she and other people, wouldn’t have CHOSEN marriage. But they did, and now they went to lecture the singles, who they say, spend more time with God.

    Shouldn’t married people be taking advice instead of looking down on us for wanting marriage and writing their little articles about how we wrongly desire marriage. Then they go back to their sexual and romantic lives with 2 incomes and less time spent serving, than the lonely Christian single.

    Singles are mature enough to know these things, we don’t need another Holier than thou married woman to make us feel bad or guilty about wanting marriage.

    Married women don’t have to worry about being childless and alone. They have great lives. Stop acting like singleness is as fulfilling when you aren’t single and you chose not to be – because there a HUGE difference between struggling with sexual temptation with ZERO outlets. And being married and having a husband whose responsibility is to take care of you and please you.

    Single people don’t have that. Whereas married women have that AND God. So don’t act like we’re the ones choosing marriage over God when married women have it all and don’t feel guilty about seeking a husband.

    Singles don’t even have husbands and we’re the ones guilty of putting a husband above God. If so then why didn’t we marry just anyone instead of struggling with singleness for a decade and more?? But WE’RE not patient. Yeah right

    Reply
  5. Jenny
    Jenny says:

    “So, my encouragement to you: Stand up, leave that waiting room, and live.”

    So, because we’re single and desire marriage and justifiably feel sad because we’ve been waiting 10+ years and the Church makes us feel useless and defective for being single or like workhorses only good for service,

    …that means we’re not living. Thanks a lot. Didn’t realise that wanting marriage means that we’re not living.

    “While you live, remember the truth; he’s not the goal. He’s the goal.“

    So, we’re spiritually immature and don’t know that God is the goal. Again, when married women want something, like children. They are empathised with and validated. They are not told that God is the goal as if God is separate from children or as if they’re ‘choosing’ children over God.

    But single people are always accused of idolatry, because we aren’t treated like adults or real Christians who know how to desire without idolising.

    We didn’t ask for the desire for marriage, it came from God. Now we’re being chastised by marriage people who CHOSE & PURSUED marriage, for our Godly desire.

    In addition to the pain of loneliness and rejection, and sexual frustration and guilt .

    Thanks so much. You talk about the pin but then you dismiss it because it’s never an option to simply VALIDATE single Christians, we’re always assumed to be wrong.

    But the married people showing off about marriage everyday instead of using THEIR time and money to serve, they’re not in the wrong. They get celebrated. They don’t get called out.

    Us who simple want a spouse while trying our best when ALONE, are called out.

    Reply

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