Couple standing back to back facing away from one another

I Kissed Dating a Non-Christian Goodbye

Written By Audrey A, Malaysia

“I don’t understand why we can break up over something that I cannot understand . . . I cannot believe you chose your God over me!” Those were his final words to me. God had finally given me the courage to end my relationship with *Duncan, a non-believer.

I was born to a Christian father and a Taoist mother. When I was little, my mother would bring me to the temple without my father’s knowledge. I did not know what I was doing at the time—I simply followed my mother and held joss sticks to pray.

Thankfully, my grandmother showed me the way. Every night without fail, she would teach me how to pray to Jesus. I knew that she had been praying for my mother’s salvation too.

My mother eventually converted to Christianity when I was nine and I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior when I was 16. I have always been amazed at my dad’s boldness in marrying a non-believer, and his patience and trust in God to make the flower bloom as he planted the seed of God’s love in my mother’s heart.

Naively, I thought I could do the same.

Duncan and I were colleagues and we worked on many projects together. Day by day, we became closer and we started hanging out exclusively. I shared my troubles at work with him and I enjoyed his company as he listened to me. I knew that Duncan was not a believer but I couldn’t care less.

I knew 2 Corinthians 6:14 well: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” However, my affection for him continued to grow.

Despite knowing what God had said through Paul in the Bible, my stubborn heart chose its own way. I was determined to make my relationship with Duncan work. I was convinced that after I shared the Gospel with Duncan, he would believe in Christ and our yokes would then be equal. How overconfident and optimistic I was.


Red Flags

One year into our relationship, I began to hear God speaking to me. I started to have unusual dreams. I had dreams of Duncan and I constantly fighting, of Duncan with another girl, and of me being in church with a guy who was not Duncan. While I struggled to make sense of these dreams, I sensed the Holy Spirit prompting me that the relationship was wrong.

Even as I spent more time with Duncan, the Holy Spirit would tell me time and again that I deserved someone who knows God personally and intimately. Deep down, I knew what I needed was a man who could pray and worship God together with me.

The Holy Spirit’s tugging at my heart never went away and the cracks in our relationship started to show when Duncan and I frequently argued over the smallest things. We had different perspectives on the world and had opposing views on many issues.

We disagreed on issues such as homosexuality—Duncan believed that some people are born to be gay and should be given the free will to love. Duncan also did not want kids—he saw them as a burden, while I saw them as a gift from God. It also troubled me that Duncan was finding it especially difficult to forgive people who had wronged him.

These arguments left me frustrated. I would get so exhausted that I gave up trying to change his mind. I would give in, not wanting to continue our fights. It became clear to me that our yokes were vastly different. God was not the center of our relationship. Being with him was akin to having one person pulling in one direction and the other one pushing in another.

Despite the red flags from concerned family members and friends, I pressed on because I did not want to start over. He was my first serious boyfriend and I was afraid that no one would love me again. After being with Duncan for two years, I did not want to leave the familiarity of our relationship.

Following my father’s example, I brought Duncan to church and shared God’s love with him in the hopes that he would change to become more caring and loving. I also continued to pray for God to soften his heart so that he could know Jesus.

He was physically present in church, but was not present emotionally and spiritually. He struggled to understand the faith and his disbelief led him to constantly challenge the existence and sovereignty of God. His heart was hardened against God.

The breaking point came for me when Duncan declared that I should learn to accept him for who he is: a non-believer. Adding that it was pointless for me to share God’s word with him anymore, he stressed that there was nothing I could say that would change his mind.

I was heartbroken. I cried, pleading with him to reconsider his choice.

Ultimately, he refused to change his mind. That was when I knew what I had to do: I had to let this relationship go. Jesus said: “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. . . Anyone does not love me will not obey my teaching” (John 14:24). I broke up with him that evening.

Even though my heart is still aching from the breakup, I know that I must run to God and let Him heal me. I also asked God for forgiveness, knowing too well that I had been disobedient. I had ignored His promptings and His Word throughout my relationship with Duncan, which lasted two years.

I cannot be certain that I will eventually be married in the future. However, there is one thing I know for sure—Christ is indeed enough for me. I have since learned to place my heart completely in God’s hands. I trust that—if it is in His grand plan—He will place a godly man in my life.

If you are going through a similar journey of dating a non-christian, I hope this will encourage you to place your hope and trust in God’s promise in your life. “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you” (Psalm 9:10).


*Not his real name

86 replies
  1. anonymous
    anonymous says:

    Purely based on the fact that you loved someone thinking you could change him/her, you fail to understand love

  2. david
    david says:

    So wait, is it that YOU kinda like force him to go church with you? Forcing him to be a believer so that you can accept him? Do you know what is love anymore? I understand that you are a strong believer in jesus. But u dont have to force someone into it just because you love him and be comfortable with him if he is a believer like you. I think initially, he accepted u as a strong believer, but why cant u do the same like your father? Accept who your mom is. Loving god is different to loving a human. Dont mix religion things into love, it would not work. Learn how to accept different things. Yea what he said could be senstitive to you since u are one strong believer. For example, i cant believe u choose god over me. Thats a bit mean tho. But again, if u felt that u are wayyyy more comfortable being with a strong believer, then by all means only choose guys who are also the same believer as you. I think you are a great person (lots of strong believers are), but this became an obstacle in your love life. Not everything can be agreed on topics like homo or transgender. Every person has a different opinion about it. Discuss freely, dont turn it into a heated arguement. Its such a small matter. When it comes to this kind of topics, please do consider both side of perspective (you are a strong believer, he is not). God is great, believing in Him. Just dont mix it into family. He may not like kids, BUT hey he might change (just like your mom). In future, you might never know. He may say things that hurt you in religious perspective, but you should know that people tend to say mean things when they are angry. Being a strong believer, u gotta accept somethings in life is not perfect. Talk about the happy stuff. Dont let religion block your choices of being with someone. Accept who he is, and he will accept you for who you are. Dont force things, because in time, if u let things flow smootly, he will convert 🙂
    Life is yours, this is just a discussion. You may accept my talks or not, its up to you. I am a half believer and half non. But i have friends who are like you. I am super comfortable with them because they dont force this stuff to me. I did not even tell them about it too. But i also get who you are. Peace. If u have your view, please do share it with me. I am glad to hear it from you. Lets keep this an open discussion where no one is right or wrong. 🙂

    • I am going to hell for laughing too hard at this
      I am going to hell for laughing too hard at this says:

      She is clearly very confused. She has yet to understand that love is patient and that love is kind.

    • fully support you Audrey
      fully support you Audrey says:

      i think you misunderstand what Jesus is to a Christian. it’s not, hey Jesus i believe in you but please don’t change my lifestyle. i don’t want to “mix” religion and my life. our life revolves around Christ, not Christ tip-toes around our life. marriage to a Christian is connection on all levels, including and especially spiritual. It is impossible for a believer to marry a non-believer.
      just to illustrate my point also, there is no such thing as a “half believer and half non”. you are a non.

    • Ez
      Ez says:

      Love God to love mankind.

      Gods commands are in 2 Corinthians 6:14 as mentioned above. If you profess to love God, please do not lead others to do otherwise.

      “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

    • munmun
      munmun says:

      personally, as a christian, Jesus needs to be the centre of our relationships. With that being said, my partner should without a doubt, loves God as much as I do. Christ is all I need, everything I have right now or am blessed with, they are all granted by Him. For Christians, marriage is about more than just companionship. It’s about the display of the glory of God at work through our relationship (Ephesians 5:31-33). Marriage is a glorious display of Christ and the Church—of sacrifice, and the laying down of our lives for one another. I am not saying that marriages between people of different faiths never work at all, or that simply being a “Christian” guarantees that we will make good choices in our marriage or that we will be exempt from divorce. But when both partners in a marriage are allowing God’s spirit to work in their lives, they then have the power to say no to their sin and flesh rather than being ruled by it. Most christians put God above all things, will their partner who’s a non christian be able to accept it? the fact that his partner puts more time on God, the fact that his partner would rather attend church meetings instead of going out on a date with him on certain days? I doubt so. Ofcourse, if I so happen to like a non christian guy, I would bring him to church before dating him, to allow him to understand and know more about Jesus my saviour.At the end of the day, it is up to him to believe or not. I w never allow him to simply accept Jesus if he has the thought of :”I will accept Him simply because my gf wants me to.” He needs to have faith and once I’m sure He loves God as much as I do and is willing to sacrifice for God, I w then only date him. hahaha lots of love xxx God bless!

  3. Yonathan
    Yonathan says:

    Dear fellow Christian,

    I believe you broke up because your lifestyles were not in sync and perhaps you could not accept a non-believer as part of your life. I have seen countless Chritians marry non-believers and they made it work.

    I wish you all the best in finding the one for you. But it isn’t his fault he doesn’t want to be Christian and it isn’t fair to fault him as such.


  4. Jenas
    Jenas says:

    Hi, how can you be so sure when you two broke up that you will be satisfied with Christ and he will placed a godly man to you? Why can’t you be worse than when you were with him?

    • Single1
      Single1 says:

      I was thinking that too.. I have been at crossroads before. Turning down decent non-Christian guys believing a Godly man was right around the corner.

      I waited in God and lost my ability to have children. I have not been on a date in years and I am growing tired of being alone.

      How can God be good when there are SO many single woman and not enough single men in the church? God placed desires in my heart for marriage and kids and denied me those things. It almost seems cruel and it makes me doubt Gods goodness.

      But did he deny me? Or have I just created this image of the perfect Godly man in my head and missed out on many opportunities with moral non-believers.

      How can I know for certain that my path is not to lead a non-believer to Christ while in a relationship.

      Yes.. the Bible says we should not be unequally yoked with non believers.. but it also has a bunch of other rules that we tend to avoid (we should not gossip, gluttony, anger, pride).

      I am at that crossroads again.. attracting a great non-believer. Do I turn him down in hopes of that “Godly guy around the corner” that may or may not come? Or do I give this guy a shot.. setting strong boundaries and showing him Christ’s love?

    • beencouraged
      beencouraged says:

      @Single1 God never fails, and his timing is never wrong.
      Trust in him and in him alone.
      You can do this. Pray without ceasing, God has not forgotten you

  5. Harold
    Harold says:

    Bad choice. Intolerant of other religion. Why must you convert him into Christianity? Why not love him for whom he is and respect his religion? He didn’t convert you into his religion.

    • Ange
      Ange says:

      I concur. I’m a Christian since young, I have also seen lots of church mates bringing their partners to church because they think you should follow my religion because Christianity is better. As a Christian I wouldn’t deny that, but others definitely think otherwise. I have an European bf who is a free thinker with an Islamic family background, he does not force me to convert neither do I. Although I’m a Christian but I think lots of Christians are really selfish and self centred

    • H3h3
      H3h3 says:

      Asking her to convert to his religion is as good as asking her to not believe in god ._.

    • Glitchz
      Glitchz says:

      I believe you don’t understand Harold. It isn’t just about Duncan here. The one that the writer holds the most precious is God, not Duncan. She clearly put God first before Duncan, and ultimately doesn’t want to disobey God. To be fair, her father sinned by marrying her mother who was a Non-Christian. But because of the grace of God and many years, she came to finally except. Duncan here is not like her Mother. His heart was so hardened that he couldn’t come to accept God. So in the end, the writer chose God > Duncan. A non-believer coming to Christ is not because of your own power, but ultimately because God was merciful to you and allowed him / her to turn to Christ.

    • Glitchz
      Glitchz says:

      I want to add on as well that the possibility of falling away from God is extremely high especially when you date a Non-Christian. You throwing away your gift of eternal life for good by choosing someone who doesn’t share the same beliefs. A believer should be with another believer so that both can grow in Christ, and simply because a Non-Christian will not allow you to fully grow in Christ due to conflicting beliefs.

  6. A
    A says:

    Thank you for the encouraging post. I’m sure God has prepared you a godly man! Continue to shine for Him <3

    • Glen
      Glen says:

      Amen! Thanks for the courage to write this article. I’m glad that you have experienced the reality of God and dare to make a difference!

  7. Ryan
    Ryan says:

    I have just recently gone through an almost identical situation, except the obvious difference of me being a guy and my ex-girlfriend being the non-christian. Indeed, God gave many red flags to me, but I persisted, hoping that God would answer my prayer of softening her heart and revealing himself to her. It has been a hard time trying to move on and I have the exact same fear as you, that I will not have anybody to love me. Thank you for the article which has helped me feel like I’m not alone in this situation. 🙂 also, I do owe God an apology for not listening too.

    • Justin
      Justin says:

      Same here, I’m a Christian man with a non believer. She challenges me on everything pertaining to God and always says I don’t accept her; but I do, she just doesn’t except me. It has become all about control with her. I simply love her and just want to be loved in return. She accuses me of being everything that she is and blames me for everything; even when she’s screaming at me I keep calm and respectful but it seems the more love I show her the worst it gets. She always threatens to break up if things don’t go her way all the time and she just doesn’t get how life isn’t like that. Trust me on this one folks, dating a non believer isn’t worth it. I waited on this woman for 10 years only to be abused for living a Godly lifestyle. She always keeps saying that I think I’m better than everyone but I’ve never treated her or anyone in a way that would lead her to think that. I mean no body is better or worse than anybody else, we all poop and pee, everyone is equal and deserves equal respect so why do I get disrespected and called every bad thing in the book for simply wanting to live my faith out? I feel like I’m with a sociopath at times; it’s the only description that fits. There’s more to it and I can’t get into all the details. But simply put, I love her but she doesn’t love me, I don’t understand why somebody would choose to trauma bond instead of simply having a loving bond. I don’t understand why everything I’m hurt by things she says to me why I have to apologize for making her feel bad that she hurt me. I don’t understand how someone that claims to love you chooses to manipulate you on all levels; and why am I the bad guy for waiting on her and giving all my love to her? I’m more heartbroken and alone than I ever was when I was completely all in for Christ. Why would somebody seek to put you down and erode your reality simply because your a Christian? I know she says and does all that because my lifestyle with Christ makes her feel uncomfortable, but why is someone dictating my life because they feel bad? Do you people get it? Do you all see why you shouldn’t be yoked with a non believer? It’s because they will try to pull you away from God because they know they are sinners and don’t want anything that even hints at that, even if that means tearing someone’s faith apart because the way Christians live their life contradicts what the world says is acceptable, and people don’t want to think they are wrong. That is why we don’t date non believers or marry them. I’m living proof of what happens when you do. I literally feel like my entire life has been ripped from me and my peace and joy stolen all because one person isn’t happy with who they are as a person; how do you keep loving someone that has abused your heart, soul, mind, and finances? How do you keep loving them? When is it ever going to be enough love for her to quit hurting me? My death? She is looking for a savior and treats me like I’m supposed to save her from all her issues and I’ve tried leading her to Chris because I can’t make someone past issues go away or make someone feel good about themselves when they just don’t like themselves. I don’t know what to do. The world will never stop saying that Christians are unloving until we give our very lives to prove it all the while they fail to understand that Christ is the way, not us. We are hear to simply show the way because we are not the way, Jesus is.

  8. Robin Tan
    Robin Tan says:

    Leave Gid out of what could be your own doubts, choices, intolerance or insecurities whatever it may be. In my opinion, based on your own narration, Duncan have tried, going so far to try to make it work, meeting your preconceptions with reason, listening to your point of view, and putting himself in your shoes by giving Church going a try. It is my belief the root cause that of this failled relationship lies in you. Well at the onset you didn’t see a future with Duncan, you only saw quarrels and disagreement, you entertained and seeded your mind with the thoughts and hopes of being with someone else. Someone that fits into your narrow narrative of life. Therein lies the roota of your failed relationship. Not God’s wisdom. Don’t hide behind God’s words. Reflect and figure it out. If not, you’ll go down the same path. A relationship is about the union of two individuals, to agree to disagree, to walk life’s path together despite the little differences in opinion. If you can’t get pass supoorting your other half’s struggle in his journey to discover God, I don’t think you’ll get very far meeting life’s challenges, whoever your next partner may be.

  9. Peacelover
    Peacelover says:

    The statement : I cannot believe you chose your God over me ! Isn’t it all kind of Gods teach everyone to love equally with no boundaries ? Race, skin color nor religion never break each other apart . Humanity is like fingers on a hand , each one is different but we are all connected as ONE . Love everyone and you’ll be loved !

  10. A note to self
    A note to self says:

    You made the right decision. Do not give up on sharing God’s love to him (prayerfully and tactfully)– but with the intention to draw him to God, not to yourself. The 2 Cor 6:14 and the many verses against the union of a christian and non-christian is like a danger sign: you are still free to choose to heed God’s warning and enjoy true joy and freedom in Him. It is never God’s intention to take away your ‘happiness’ or that the non-christian partner will never become a christian in the future. Always remember that the CHRIST-centred way of living/perspective (e.g. on the definition of love, holiness, marriage, eternal life, etc) is totally different from a SELF-centred way of life– the two are immiscible, and the harder you try, the more disappointed you will be.

  11. Harry Liow
    Harry Liow says:

    I have a non christian GF for 5 years and never face such issue because is not worth anything should such debate happen. I believe every relationship should keep what their believes if force someone to believe something they do not understand, wont God himself will be displeased? I support and encourage my life partner with THE GUILD LINES of THE BIBLE, bible words are just is the matter of how we deliver the message from it. Blind understanding leads to any break-ups.

  12. Henry
    Henry says:

    Behold, though many will question your decision, not to worry, as you are in good hand of God. He is real and may you find comfort in Him.
    Matthew 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

  13. maxwell
    maxwell says:

    If you cant accept your partner for who he/she is, there’s not point in continuing a relationship because in the end it will always crashes down and ends badly.

  14. Hq
    Hq says:

    She is sharing out of courage and exposing vulnerability but people are just focused on critiquing her and missing her whole point entirely.

    She’s just giving a testimony, sharing the dilemma and difficulty in being in love and being together with a non believer; not condemning her bf/other non believers for the differences.

    Thank you for sharing Audrey.

    • Skye
      Skye says:

      Amen! All these people, are judging based on their own beliefs and misconceptions. What is ‘right’ for them doesnt mean its right for everyone. And she chose to follow God. Haha what if i were to talk about islam? They arent even allowed to marry a non-islamic individual. Would you also critise their choices? Their spouses would also be forced to be converted into islam. Your who all are short-sighted, do not implement your own justice upon others. Yes God tells us to love and accept one another regardless of race, language or religion, but devoting your whole life, committing is another thing. Do not put things out of context. For those of you ‘christians’ who chose to have non-christian partners, have you ever felt that you strayed away from God? I DID. I broke up with my boyfriend just after 1 year of dating. Cuz i thought the church wasnt good but i was so stupid and naive to let my relationship get in my way of my belief. Jesus have comforted me yet time and time again, i rejected Him. Yet He still holds me, actually anyone dear, even those you guys who reject and even persecute Him. What your guys dont understand is that if a man and woman are both chasing after God’s heart, they’ll both grow closer together naturually. That’s what i found out after being together with my non Christian boyfriend. He allowed me to follow religion. But because i chose to follow him that i strayed away from God. My non christian boyfriend isnt the problem. I was. And i wanted to be married into a christian relationship. And i saw that he wasnt keen into converting. So i didnt want to waste his time and broke up, misleading him that when he proposes but if i ultimately still reject him, what’s the point? And for you christians out there with non christian partners, do your ever fully closely follow the bible anymore? If your do your wouldnt even consider dating a non christian. Dont mislead the non christian. The writer’s father was lucky that his wife ultimately converted in the end. What if your spouses don’t? Then you’d just be living a religion conflicting relationship. Because one believes in God and one doesnt.

  15. Izaac
    Izaac says:

    Hey there! Well, I really wanna take this time to really encourage you. I know that often times, what the world thinks is that ‘religion’ should never come into the way of love. But at the end of the day, Christianity isn’t so much so a religion, but it’s a relationship with God! And in the beginning, the person who is the perfect example of love is God. And if we say that God is sovereign, are we believing in His sovereignty that he will provide? It says in Jeremiah 29:11 — “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord , thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” So I know that God has got a plan for your life, but even throughout that period learn to find your strength in Him rather than yourself. (QT etc.)

    For the thing about the breakup, I know that it is definitely not easy. But it says in John 15:2 that “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” So I truly believe that this is really a season of pruning for your life as well! But even during this season are you going to rely on Him?

    And finally, something I felt to tell you. At the end of the day, as much as what people might say, are you still believing in what God says instead (His Word)? Don’t be discouraged by what people might judge because in the end, if God had really convicted your heart about this, then I would say you made the right decision 🙂

    You’re a champion, and God has got a plan for your life! You’re not alone 😀

  16. Beta Tegus
    Beta Tegus says:

    [The breaking point came for me when Duncan declared that I should learn to accept him for who he is: a non-believer. ]

    Yeah, because it must be a bad thing to accept people for who they are, as opposed to expecting them to BE to believe in your god.

    This is one of the many reasons that I left Christianity.

  17. HYM
    HYM says:

    I don’t understand why people encourage you to be with Duncan. But,I feel that God want you to break up with Him. Because,your dad has different testimony. And you are different. Your testimony will be different and your purpose will be different from others. Stay strong and have faith in God. Stay strong. Follow His Words instead of others opinion. Trust and believe Him

  18. Michelle
    Michelle says:

    I feel so sad when I read comments of people lashing back at the writer. I think the writer has done a good job at sharing her side of the story but it seems so many christians here have much to judge and criticise.

    As much as many of you have shared that she was too pushy in trying to bring Duncan to church, you should also understand that she was also trying to make things work. If we always allow leeways in beliefs and perspectives, what’s the point of the bible being word to follow.

    • Jacky Mao
      Jacky Mao says:

      What’s a bible anyway, it’s just an old book written thousands of years ago. Where its translation has been translated countless of times and it has been twisted into the words of humans. Unless you speak the origin Hebrew otherwise, I doubt the Bible gives actual accurate reasoning behind what she said.

    • Serene
      Serene says:

      So should Duncan bring her to a temple if he believes in taoism? Everyone is different and has different believes and views, he did not stop her from believing in her god and did not try to convert her, so what gives her the right to try to convert him and when he doesn’t she’s upset?

  19. Kay
    Kay says:

    Well done! Very well written. Thank you for taking God first in what you do. Maybe someday he will come to know God. Maybe he will not. You can only continue to pray for him. But for you now, you need to love God and live the life He has in store for you. Being yoked with a non – believer is definitely not it.
    He may not give you another man, you may remain single all your life, but doing the right thing is most important.
    God will bless you in ways you may never think of.

  20. Nick
    Nick says:

    My point of view, you did the right thing, but remember that we are the light of the world, we should share the light. Anyhow, it is your choice and with God nothing is impossible, He probably have something better for you instead. Keep it up sister!

  21. dannyhaze
    dannyhaze says:

    Now , with all respect and long story cut short.

    Some countries have few religions in it.
    eg. Like in sg. To anyone is vaunarable to have to come together and more.

    If cannot accept , then should move to a country that has only one religion.. Best.

    Next eg , malaysia in is a Muslim country . i wonder why they can still accept OTHER religions to be in there.?

    Thx u for reading.

    • Ng Xin Zhao
      Ng Xin Zhao says:

      Malaysia is not a Muslim country, it is a Muslim majority country. The country is secular, just like Singapore, just that a bit of difference is made to accommodate for the fact that Muslims are the majority. There is freedom of religion here, just that there is also one very special law not found in most other countries with Muslim majority: Malays must be Muslim and to convert to another religion is illegal. So all other religion must say: for non Muslim only in their books to avoid trouble. It’s not ideally secular, but it’s not a full fledged Muslim country too.

      As for the girl, I would say true love is unconditional acceptance. However, if you are looking for marriage material, one of the most important thing to determine for the partner before even considering a relationship is to inquire into their religion and how serious they are in it. It’s pretty important for long term harmony. If you proceed on with a partner of different faith, then learn to love unconditionally and draw boundaries to avoid arguments about topics which cannot be reconciled.

  22. Nicole
    Nicole says:

    Hey dear, thank you for your sharing and I’m standing by ur side giving you the moral support, with Jesus. Just saw this article today as I’m through almost exactly the same situation as you and I know it’s God loving me when he brought this article to my eyes. Give no weight to those who’re putting you down, I was an a non believer, didn’t believe in christianity till I had my own personal encounter, and God has dealt graciously with me. Believing with you that one day, God will bring ur path across to someone who loves God and you since God is the one who put the desire for children in you.

  23. Amos
    Amos says:

    I think there are a few things you may have expressed inaccurately. First of all, God gives us the free will to do whatever we want to do and he doesn’t push us to do things. God is not there to break your relationship with Duncan. The reason I broke up with my ex girlfriend was because we were fundamentally different. The way we viewed homosexuality, the way we love our parents, the way we look at money, the way we look at the purpose of life. All my views on how to live a good and righteous life came from the Bible. Sometimes my friends wouldn’t understand why I broke up with a woman I loved so much just because of one word “religion”? And the answer, I did not break up because of one word. It was because of how different we were. And these aren’t differences that will help our future family grow. How should we teach our kids to manage money when we disagree on the value of wealth? How are we going to teach our kids whether homosexuality is wrong? We can’t! And that is why we both decided to break up.
    For those readers who think that she’s being crazy with her religion, it’s not that simple. She’s breaking up because there isn’t a future. If you’d want to take her father as an example, all I could say is that they went through things they wouldn’t have went through if her mother was a Christian from the beginning. The bond within the family would have been much stronger with love and values if she was Christian from the beginning. It’s not just the word religion that’s the problem. It is everything. Stop being naive and think that relationships have nothing to do with religion. Christianity shows values of love and selflessness. Christianity teaches husbands to love their wives. And for children to obey and honor their parents. If both husband and wife loves God more than they love each other, they will know what true love and joy is. Because to love God is to obey Him. And by obeying Him, you’ll love your family right. God isn’t taking away the husband’s love for his wife. Neither is he telling the wife to love her husband less. God is trying to lead us to live perfect, joyful, beautiful lives.

  24. Daven
    Daven says:

    You wrote, “Duncan believed that some people are born to be gay and should be given the free will to love.”
    Followed later by…..
    “I brought Duncan to church and shared God’s love with him in the hopes that he would change to become more caring and loving.”

    This is ironic on so many levels. He being the one who exudes loving kindness to people different (nonetheless equal humans) from him while you being someone who judge others for who they are.

    He who loves you despite differences in beliefs while you forcing him to change in order to love him in return.

    Why does he have to be a christian to be more “caring and loving” when your writing has already listed down his quality as a human capable of so much love and kindness?

  25. Ritz
    Ritz says:

    I don’t think your approach was too ideal. This is the problem with many Christians that I have witnessed who tried to preach the word, and get people to come to church. Yes, your intention was not bad at all, and is something I have to praise you for, because it was something that I am not able to do, and that is bringing someone to church. But intention is only one side of the coin. You have to be patient with people who aren’t believers yet. I am pretty sure your dad did not force your mother to come to church. After all, God looks for the willingness of people to change their ways, no point in forcing something that will not end up meaningful and beneficial for both parties, same with your case. You should have just been more patient with him, he would have accepted Christ in the future, but what you did may have made him shut his doors permanently. Still no reason to give up on him, you can still try to chabge his heart, but repair your relationship with him first! 🙂

    All the best!

  26. Zec
    Zec says:

    If you are reading this, Audrey A, thank God for your stance and for your courage to share at the expense of being judged harshly. I am sure it wasn’t easy for you and I’m sure it wasn’t easy for your ex as well. Being unequally yoked does not just affect you, but the other party as well as those around the two of you also, so it’s best to heed the Word in all aspects to begin with since the impact may be deep and long in healing. Even so, don’t be consumed by guilt. You are only human. Remember God’s grace. Your story is a timely reminder for me, so thank you and thank God.

    You’d have to ignore many of the comments here because they, like *Duncan, do not share your worldview. They simply do not understand where you are coming from, even some who call themselves Christians. It is not simply about making the relationship work no matter the cost, making compromise upon compromise in order to reconcile the irreconcilable difference in beliefs. Can a couple truly be one if their spirit is different? Christ is the Lord of your heart and if you join together with one whose Lord is not Christ, who would that “one flesh” follow? That marriage may be functional but it would be missing spiritual union.

    Some may think that this is being selfish or overly serious or very narrow-minded. But stay strong and continue on the straight and narrow. They simply do not know…even with you quoting Corinthians, they would still think from their own perspective.

    Be strong in Christ, sister.

  27. Jeremy
    Jeremy says:

    God will choose His own. Faith is a gift not a choice or else man can boast. I think you need to understand the Bible more. God bless you.

  28. love faith hope
    love faith hope says:

    Its sad to see all these comments of blame. Its a topic that non-believer wouldn’t really understand your point of view, where they felt we are self centered and all. I too made the same decision as you. Initially, I even patch back with him thinking that we could make this work that its merely a religion issue but we argued about our kids going to church, his ancestor stuffs, the 7th month stuffs, the temple stuffs, stuffs that you wont have to face if you are dating a Christian. Ultimately, it’s the kind of spiritual joy & peace that you cant share with him or neither can he understand. I do think about him sometimes since hes really someone significant in my life. But i always believe that God has already prepared the one for us and these are merely a passing. I pray for his salvation that he will saved one day. Stay strong in faith

  29. Benjamin
    Benjamin says:


    Thank you for such a sharing. It takes great faith to post what you believe. And to have people pressing their judgements on you just because you’ve said that you’ll respect God’s will for all above your personal relationship.

    You’re right on the point about that God has warned us. Indeed that when God says “Do not yoke…” He exactly meant that! When God intentionally mean something, He means it.

    Your biblical worldview is right on such matters as well. Many a times we,Christians, forget that we are called to first love God. That means to hold on to what He desires. Of course, we are failures as well. Some of us will change what God says for what suits our life. But it is intently clear that your view on this is true. If we don’t respect God in our relationships, it becomes harder in our marriage.

    Your father is a prime example of God’s love, but your mother was the willing one. Your earthly father is patient. That love that he shows your mother was the same as the love God taught him. But also, your mother was willing to listen and accept this God. I’m sorry if this is blunt, but your parents could have ended the same way as you if your mom wasn’t accepting of this God of ours.

    All in all, it is always hard because we’re dealing with each free will and choice in each conversation. But God has taught you and you’ve learnt. Now let’s hope you will be embraced by His love and everlasting Will.

  30. Fellow Christian
    Fellow Christian says:

    I’m a Christian too dating a non-Christian, yes it’s frustrating when your other half doesn’t believe in God and have differences in both your beliefs but there’s going to be other non-believers out there who might happen to be our family or friends but that does not mean because of different beliefs, we choose to not accept them. I used to feel pressured and have the idea that God placed me in those non-believers life so I can convert them, but realise that’s wrong. I may just be planted as a seed and not the person who grow the seed. God has His plans for everyone and He will use other people and things around your boyfriend to draw him closer. I learn that I just have to be patient, not give up on on and praying every night that the seed will grow. At the end of the day if it still doesn’t happen, I’ll trust in God and praise him for the good and for the bad. What I need to do is constantly pray for him and honour the God in him and leave the rest to God. Hope this helps.

  31. Collin Ng
    Collin Ng says:

    Hi Audrey,

    I very much can identify with your struggles, as a semi-free thinker Christian undergoing Catholic formation (RCIA) currently. I separated with my gf of 1 year 10 months about a month ago due to similar reasons and foreseeable problems as you. For me (and from understanding of canonical laws), unequal yoke in marriage is not a problem. It is only a problem when the non Christian/Catholic spouse chooses not to understand the power/influence of God in their lives and keeps complaining about their commitments to God. Which is considered to be getting in the way of my free practice of the faith, namely the latter. As such, it contravenes the agreement which the non-believer has sworn upon in front of the priest and bible.

    Right now I feel much happier dating a Christian girl (from an independent evangelical background) as we are able to share much more of ourselves with each other.

    Wish you all the best in meeting a fellow disciple of God 🙂

  32. ConcernedBrother
    ConcernedBrother says:

    I guess you guys weren’t compatible with your life goals and interests and you used religion as an excuse to dump him? Your breakup story could have just been about the incompatibility of belief which does not put him down for not believeing in your religion and admits that the fault in the relationship failing goes both way (as it always has in every relationship).

    Really hope you find one someone compatible and that you both have honest conversations that leads to enduring relationships

  33. AA
    AA says:

    Religion is a relationship between you and your God (if you do believe in one). Religion is personal. And because it’s personal, no one can or should tell you who or what to believe in. We should learn to respect every religion, and know that no one religion is superior to the other. Just like how you wouldn’t like it if your partner had brought you to the temple to “hopefully” try to convert you, he probably had felt the same. I’m sorry your relationship didn’t work out, but it’s probably for the best because both of you obviously do not have the same mindset. It seems like religion wasn’t a factor in the relationship for him, but it was for you. And neither of you are wrong. Unfortunately, you just don’t belong together. But take it from a non-Christian who’s married to one. Religion is a choice, and so is love. I’m still happily married to the love of my life. 🙂

  34. Duncan
    Duncan says:

    i think it’s great that you realised you only want to be with someone who espouses your faith.

    but love is unconditional, much like yours for your God. ive seen many beautiful inter-faith marriages with each half displaying stregthened vows to their Gods, while loving and appreciating the beauty of each other’s faiths.

    maybe God speaks to us all in different ways. or maybe we’re just loony and are hearing voices.

    but love thy neighbour, as thyself. surely when God said that, being the magnanimous being he is, he does refer to the impartiality and unconditional treatment of love.

  35. Vanessa
    Vanessa says:

    Hi dear,
    I decided to write this as a fellow believer. I read through some of the comments and feel like you might be strongly affected by thier words; thus question your decision.

    I will like to tell you that there is nothing wrong in wanting to marry a fellow believer and I don’t think that you should be blamed for that. You made this decision because God told you too and nothing should cause you to have doubts on what God has decided for you. As my pastor said before, why care about how others righteously condemn you when you are a beloved child of God and what they say can never take that away from you.

    I do understand why you want to marry a fellow believer though. Without your other half being one that loves and knows God intimately, you will not be able to shared half of your life with a person you so dearly love and cherish. Trust God dear, this is a test of faith and trust, just keep believing in Him. God will place you at the right place and the right time. I believe that that man was not right for you and thats why God did what He did. As my pastor also mentioned before, God puts people in your life to bless you and He will also put put people in your life to teach you. Hence, I feel that this should be just taken as a lesson from God. Him trying to change you to become more of a woman of God.

    However, there are some things that the people in the comments have said that I think are vaild. They should be taken as constructive critisism and nof personal attacks. I think that you should refrain from imposing your beliefs on others. Everyone is different, so even your thought will be different and thats how God made us 🙂 If there is ever a need for someones mindset to change and you can’t do it, the only thing you can do is pray. We can’t do it but He can. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! If you need anything that is seemingly impossible, pray, believe and have faith. You should not go going around trying to change what he believes. If he is meant to be a child of God, guide him towards God and let God do the rest. However, know that God has given man free choice and the person you know may not chose to grab the hand that God has held out.

    Pray, ask for faith and ask for help. You don’t need to take any of this as your burden because it is His. He wants you to rest and let Him work for you. Hence sister, just trust in the Lord and listen to His word. Don’t be affected by the people who have condemned you. “I am the righteousness of God in Jesus Christ”, as He has forgiven your sins through the cross, no one can take that away!

    Rest in Him and just keep listening to The Word and there will be a word in season for you :’)

  36. Worldlove
    Worldlove says:

    Reading all the comments i couldn’t agree more with how everyone should just accept each’s values and believes. U can have urs and i can have mine.

    This is the reason why the world is in so much trouble these days. Religion and race. We all fail to understand one another.

    ACCEPT AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER. be it a in a relationship or with strangers.

    it is because we all think that “OUR GOD” Is better. It is because we all think that “OUR TEACHINGS” Are better
    It is because we all can’t accept another race or religion for their believes, values and teachings that separates this world.

    One thing that i’m sure all religion teaches is to love.

    one love. One humanity.

    all we got to do is simply to accept and love everyone for who they are.

  37. Yolanda
    Yolanda says:

    I’m a Christian dating a non-Christian for the first time and he is the best guy I have been with. He’s the most loving, generous, caring, thoughtful person – much more so than my three previous boyfriends who were Christians. For me, I would prioritise dating a good person first. The last Christian guy I dated left a very bad impression — and he was a “strong christian” and leader. I guess it sounds like something you couldn’t shrug off, so do look for someone with the same beliefs to bring you peace, but remember a Christian doesn’t necessarily make a person a good man either – I had to learn that the hard way!

  38. Mario
    Mario says:

    You basically tried to make a blind person love the blue color because you do. He loved you enough to try the color but you didn’t accept his blindness. Sad story, sad ending.

  39. FireTorch
    FireTorch says:

    As many commenters are god believers, i shall share my part as non-Christian point of view and look at a bigger picture here. I think no one should deviate away logical and facts and the way of life in this society like instead of thanking doctors who operated you, you thanked the god instead which lack of recognition of efforts of someone who did the best to cure you which is lack of appreciation to the one who supposed to be received. Thats include religion. No gods or even somebody ever tells u how to live your life. You made your own decision and pave your path and manage your own and create victories your own becoz you worked hard for it and deserved what you get. This shows your sincerity towards others and compassion not because of superior being but people among you. Which put me into a disagreement in your quote “Even as I spent more time with Duncan, the Holy Spirit would tell me time and again that I deserved someone who knows God personally and intimately. Deep down, I knew what I needed was a man who could pray and worship God together with me.” This restrict the freedom to love someone and being shallow of your decision to love someone. Love comprises by understanding what they been through and struggles in their lives and paying attention what your bf or loves one pain and giving them as much support and hope for them not enforcing someone to believe your religion to gain happiness which just simply creating more conflicts in ur relationship. If you want to determine to win over your problems, you work hard for it and make it happens not just simply praying god and wait things to happen. I respect ur belief but never go too overboard to obstruct the way you live and seeing the world. ur destiny lies un your own hands not any others.

  40. Cheryl
    Cheryl says:

    I’m 34 I’ve been in a bad relationship with a non believer who I heard was a Muslim- 30s. It’s a long story. he kept confusing me about his beliefs saying he’s spiritual,he owns a small weird elephant statue and a tiki god mask on his wall and etc in his room.can you give me your answers? I’m upset.

  41. Leah
    Leah says:

    Thanks for your post. I am getting really close with an unbelieving guy and this encouraged me to not take things further like officially date him to avoid heartache. It hurts, it hurts so bad but I know I have to trust that God is in control and the he will empower me to get over this and to have joy in Him and other good and noble things in life. I can relate to many things you said, like wanting someone you can worship with and have great talks about Jesus with. Also the subtle strain of not having Jesus at the center of our relationship does weigh heavily eventually. Thanks again and I will pray for you. If you see this please pray for me, this is a hard situation to be in. God Bless:)

  42. CT
    CT says:

    Hi, I shared the same sediment as you. I rejected two who came along the way because we weren’t of the same faith. I understand how it feel and having so many what ifs in your mind. Over the years, God has revealed that indeed Christ is enough for me. I can’t be sure of the future but I know if His plan is to remain status quo, He will compensate this far more than what human relationship can give.

  43. Chong Yee
    Chong Yee says:

    As I read the comments, one conclusion is made, everyone is exclusive.

    Some commented that the author should not force her belief onto her ex-boyfriend if she loves him and what she did was not the way. Then I would truly question what is the intention of all these commentators. Is it out of love for this author that they comment? It sounds like they are trying to force what they believe is right onto the author rather than accepting what she believes…

    To the author, marriage is sacred, wonderful and it is a covenant. When both one man and one woman enter into this covenant, guided by the truth, their marriage would display the closeness and intimacy between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Though they are two, they are so close to each other that they are one just like our Triunion God. Though they are three persons, they are one God.

    People who cannot see this would never be able to tell you the amazing vision of the marriage, or rather they would tell you based on their experience. However that is only a small part of the whole truth.

    So I would suggest that you follow the Creator of the marriage and His truth about the marriage and He will personally bless you and through His creation, marriage as well. Just like if you are iphone users, following Steve Job’s advice would definitely help you to fully utilise the iphone and maximize its value.

  44. Anon
    Anon says:

    To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? …

  45. howard
    howard says:

    It’s not my place to question about the validity bof your spiritual experience, but I wonder if it’s your non acceptance to his belief, which is a basic human right, that played a part in the relationship failure. Just imagine if you have a Buddhist boyfriend forcing you to go to temple all the time and threatened to leave you if you don’t give in….

    I have seen many chrisitians – non Christians couples getting married for decades happily. Their secrets are mutual respect and acceptance.

  46. ANONYMOUS w/ a J
    ANONYMOUS w/ a J says:

    Hi Audrey,
    I understand what you went through. For me, it was one of my best friends who had asked me out. He liked me and I, him. Just like your ex-boyfriend, he did not love Christ as I did/do. I thought we were perfect for each other; only thing was he was a non-believer. I cried out to God, seeking Him, waiting for an answer. Just as you, I very well knew 2 Corinthians 6:14 but my heart was stubborn. It was after many weeks that I finally made up my mind and rejected him. He didn’t understand why I chose “religion” over a relationship. My friends thought I was insane, selfish, brainwashed by my “religion”.
    It was something I didn’t want to do, but I did because I knew it was something God didn’t want for me. To chase after His heart, I first needed to break my own heart.
    Four months have pass, sometimes I still regret it but I am also thankful that God gave me the strength and wisdom to do what I did.
    I will praise Him even when it hurts.

  47. Jman
    Jman says:

    This is exactly why I stopped dating conservative Christian girls. They “fake” tolerance and acceptance of alternate beliefs or lack thereof and operate under the delusion they can change what’s in your heart. At best, it’s a narrow minded view of the world and the manifestation of an inflated sense of ego and “righteousness” placing them above anyone that doesn’t share it. Values and Dogma are not the same thing. A “non” believer, can have and engage in great values without signing onto religious doctrine. It’s truly a shame, I’ve liked quite a few of them as quality people, some I’d even consider marriage material. However, I no longer spend extensive amounts of time or engage in romantic relationships with them anymore, and I know an awful lot of them who are single. They see a responsible, highly educated, well traveled military man, and want to date. I keep an eye out for other men to refer them to.

  48. zaza
    zaza says:

    I’m very late to the party. Some interesting points raised in the comment section. I would urge all who claim to be Christian to really look at the Bible’s definition of what it means to be a Christian – deepen your walk with God. God is most gracious and is able to work even in situations He is clearly against. The word is clear – do not be unequally yoked with non-believers. I recently allowed myself to “date” and jsut as fast as I entertained this, I let it go. I met A BUNCH of cute, smart, intelligent, lovely, 6 foot plus, handsome young men, some of whom also said they were Christians (yay). Let me tell you, it’s NOT everyone who says “I am a Christian” who actually follows Jesus and the Bible’s teachings. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in EVERY single decision you make. Jesus is the best friend who is always there and who has THE BEST advice and your best interests. God bless.

  49. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    A lot of people seem to disagree with the writer, here, however, I have to say regardless of what people may think Christ should be at the centre of our romantic relationships. Marriage isn’t evangelising, and only because it worked for her mother and father (and even then, we don’t know the full details) doesn’t mean it would work with her. It isn’t an easy decision, but one should put God above all things, even if it means severing a relationship.

  50. anonymous
    anonymous says:

    I do not agree with this post. Everyone has their own beliefs, you do not try to change their mind just because they are non-christians. Loving someone doesn’t require the effort to change his mind. What is a relationship without arguments? In order to make the relationship work, both of you have to put in effort to change yourselves, change the way you think of him/her and stop doubting each other. You’ll never be able to change someone the way you wish because it isn’t your decision to make. Your reasons don’t really count at least not enough to motivate that person into creating the desired change.The best thing you can do if you want to help someone you care about is to help them find their reason. All the best 🙂

  51. Believer
    Believer says:

    Yea agree with that. Anything that links love/beliefs to god is wrong, if everything must goes the same way/channel then there will not be a multicultural world full with different races of human. For me, the true god will be helping any human being no matter who he/she is. Other than that, I would believe that is human talk using God’s words.


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