Couple hugging against a tree in the woods

The Time I Hurt My Husband Deeply

Written by Clare H, Singapore

My husband and I had a huge argument some nights ago. It was about my pride and unwillingness to see my own faults. He was so hurt that he went straight to bed after his shower. For the first time in the six years we had been together, he had not insisted we resolve our argument first before the day ended.

Truth be told, many unpleasant thoughts came to my mind while I was taking my shower that night. Those thoughts assured me that I was right and had done no wrong. In fact, my self-righteousness even led me to believe that my husband was in the wrong and that I ought to forgive him when he apologized to me—because that’s what Christians do.

But when I came out of the shower and saw him already in bed, my initial readiness to forgive him vanished immediately. I started boiling inside. “How can he go to bed without talking to me?” I thought to myself. “Does he not care about us anymore?” As I went about my usual bedtime routine—drying my hair and closing the windows—my mind was filled with all the faults he had committed.

I switched off the lights, sat on the bed, turned to my husband and looked at him. All of a sudden, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. For the first time, I realized the hurt that I had caused him. What had I done to the man that God had chosen and blessed me with? Where was the godly wife that God had called me to be?

I started to pray. I asked God to remove my pride and self-righteousness so that I could see my sins clearly. I asked Him to guide me away from all my sinful ways and to make me more like Jesus.

When I woke up the next morning, my husband didn’t say a word to me. Again, this was a first in our relationship. I found myself trying to break the ice. As I got him to start talking, I realized the deep hurt I had caused him. There was no way I could justify myself to him.

I had run out of moves; I was desperate. So I did the only thing I could think of: I asked if he would pray with me. He prayed a very short prayer, which showed how exhausted he had been from the argument. I prayed after, confessing my faults before God and my husband, asking God to change my ways and make me a better person.

I thank God for always being faithful and merciful towards us. He immediately softened my husband’s attitude towards me and we shared a long hug before he left for work. I was relieved to see his beautiful smile and loving eyes once again.

After he had left for work, I reflected on all that had happened. It brought me to this realization: It is good, and it is right to pray—especially in such situations. And an effective prayer is one where we come before God and repent of our sins, not one where we ask God to change the situation or the other person. Also, we need to pray for each other and confess our sins to one another so that we may be healed (James 5:16).

As a human, I know that I will sin again. But I also know now that when that happens, my first response ought to be this: to confess my sins before God and to others. 1 John 1:9-10 says, “For if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.”

This is the hardest article I have ever written. After all, it does seem “disgraceful” to tell others of our sins—what more to have it down in black and white as a permanent record. But what’s even more disgraceful is this: not to give God the full glory when He—and He alone—truly deserves it. God had prompted me to share my experience, which I hope will encourage you in your own relationships, whether it is with your parents, children, friends, or even colleagues. To God be all glory!

4 replies
  1. K
    K says:

    Thank you, Clare, for this brave and honest article. It’s so true that I’m quick to justify myself and seek the other person’s faults, even when (sometimes especially when!) I’m wrong! Thanks for encouraging me to repent, be forgiven and restored into relationships.

  2. Arinze
    Arinze says:

    Hello Clare, thank you for this article. I am going through the same situation with this my friend and I really know I messed up. I would like to know how can we become better friends after this our argument?

  3. Carel
    Carel says:

    So refreshing to hear a godly woman give advise on marital conflict resolutions.
    My God bless you & your husband with many happy years and may His face always shine on your precious family.
    As your brother in the Lord, I am proud of you and your commitment to follow Jesus at all times

  4. Carol Murray
    Carol Murray says:

    Daaf God l sent my Husband a wrong text by mistake l never meant to be hurt him can you please help him forgive me ,as l love him with all my Heart amen


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