Couple holding hands in the woods

How I found Freedom from the Illusion of “The Right One”

The Lie
Somewhere out there is my Mr. Right. When I find him, I will be whole and happy.

I bought this lie.

And I don’t think I’m the only one. As the rising numbers of broken families and failed marriages attest, many of us have bought into the fantasy of “the right one” as portrayed in numerous books and movies.

We have been deceived, so completely that we don’t even realize it.

There is no Mr. or Ms. Right. People often cannot even live up to their own expectations, let alone those of others. Most of us are fickle and changeable, and there is no guarantee that our “perfect” partners will remain such a few years down the road. We set ourselves up for failure right at the beginning of a marriage by buying into the fallacy that we have found the one and only right one for us.

My Story
A few years ago, I was caught between going on missions and continuing my teaching career. While I felt at home in the classroom with my high school kids, deep in my heart I felt an urge to change directions. I asked God to show me how He wanted me to respond.

One cold January day, I sat down in front of my laptop and googled “short term mission trips to China.” Five months later, I found myself on a flight to China with a team of Christians. I landed in Beijing and met my husband-to-be for the first time. I did not know then that he would become my husband, but I knew without a doubt that I was where I was meant to be. I felt God’s approval as I stood in the middle of that crowded airport and felt His smile as I was hugging Micah—the Chinese orphan suffering from brittle bone disease I met a few days later.

I knew then that God was calling me to missions. This knowledge led me on a path of self-discovery and a new frame of reference for my life. Marriage became less about the kind of person I would marry, but more about what God wanted to do in my life.

I did not meet a so-called “Mr. Right.” Instead, I met a man I knew I could serve alongside in the work that God has prepared for me. I met a man I knew I could love well and grow together with in Jesus.

Food for thought
Your spouse (or spouse-to-be) is not only flawed, he or she cannot take the place of God in your life.

Your spouse will disappoint and frustrate you. Your spouse will hurt you. Your spouse will struggle with weakness and sin. Your spouse will sin. Your spouse will not be able to fulfill all your needs, satisfy you, or make you truly whole. Only God can do that. Your spouse is human, after all, just like you are. You should look to God to fulfill your needs, not your spouse. Do not elevate your spouse to the status only God deserves.

There is only one right person who can provide you with all that you need (and more). Only He can make you happy and whole—Jesus.

Find your identity in Jesus. Build your life in and around Him. Thrive in Him. Your life should be all about Jesus.

Photo credit: kelley_leigh / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA


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8 replies
  1. godlove
    godlove says:

    Thank you very much for this very timely post. I just discovered YMI today and reading this article at this particular moment of my life is a real blessing. It has opened my eyes on a few things. Thanks again for sharing your story. God bless you.

    • Kezia Lewis
      Kezia Lewis says:

      I am glad that my story ministered to you. I believe God desires for us to encourage and challenge each other as brothers and sisters in the faith. I am humbled and doubly blessed to hear that you were blessed by what I wrote.

  2. Yos
    Yos says:

    Hey, this article is perfect for me. I did have problem with my gf.

    I believe that my gf can’t never subtitute Jesus.

    Thx. Jesus bless you.

    • Kezia Lewis
      Kezia Lewis says:

      I am so sorry to hear that, but yes, your girlfried could never and should never replace God in your heart. He alone can truly make you complete. Jesus bless you too!

  3. Mobayonle Daramola
    Mobayonle Daramola says:

    Thanks for being used as a blessing by God to youths. We rarely find articles like this nowadays. May God keep your marriage in Jesus name.

    • Kezia Lewis
      Kezia Lewis says:

      Thanks for blessing me with your words and for praying for my marriage. God bless you!

  4. Rose
    Rose says:

    Thank you for this encouraging reminder. Thanks to all the christian writers, authors and bloggers like you who give time in sharing their knowledge about relationships through God’s word, God’s wisdom and even your life experiences.

    All Christian singles should read this. God bless you and may God continue to bless your ministry!

    • Kezia Lewis
      Kezia Lewis says:

      Hi Rose! Thank you also for your encouraging words. As brothers and sisters in the Lord, we should all be encouraging and challenging each other in our relationships that we may live out the reality of being His children. I am glad that you were ministered by this post. God bless you too!

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