How God Met Me Where I Was—Single and Feeling Left Behind
Written by Grace Lim, Australia
I have been longing for a partner for as long as I can remember, to have a family where we all worship God together. However, my plans of getting married young did not happen. Instead, my 20s were marked with too many unhappy-ending love stories and rejections. And now that I’m in my 30s—and still single—there are days when I feel incredibly lonely.
It has been impossible to meet men via friends and in church. Most of my friends are either partnered up or already married, and my church family are made up of mostly youths or young families. Sometimes, I feel like the odd one out, the one who has been left behind. It can be challenging hanging out with my married friends—they are often time-poor, have different priorities, and it’s hard connecting with them due to our different stages in life. It’s also hard to make new connections through them because a lot of their friends are married.
I used to just sit back and wait for God to provide me with a partner, but this view changed as I got older. I have also heard of a few successful matches via dating apps. And I thought, who am I to box God up and limit what He can do? I believe that God’s able to use any media, including online dating apps, to provide me a godly partner.
It’s been more than a year since I signed up on these dating apps, and I must admit that it has not been a smooth ride. As some would say, online dating is not for the fainthearted. Countless swipes, repetitive hellos and questions often led to only disappointment and discouragement. Even so, I keep praying for my heart to always be set before God, and for the Holy Spirit to guide me in this journey. After all, I want to build a family that has Christ at the centre.
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After numerous rejections, I was finally matched with someone whom I strongly connected with. We shared many common interests, including our faith. We had a few meet ups and found that we really enjoyed each other’s company. The thought that he might be “The One” crossed my mind. Nonetheless, I prayed for God’s will to be done and to make it plain to me if this was the person He had for me.
Well, God answered my prayer pretty quickly. One afternoon, the guy messaged me to say that he was not interested in me and could not see a future together. It came as a shock, since we had met up just the day before, and we had a really good time and good conversations.
Disappointed and confused, I began to wonder if I had done something wrong in our meetups. Even though I had wanted God’s will to be done, I couldn’t help but feel upset that it had not gone the way I had hoped. I was also puzzled as to why God had shut the door so abruptly, considering this was someone who I thought possessed the traits I wanted in a potential partner.
Yet, in His grace and tender mercy, God met me in my brokenness. I sensed a gentle whisper asking me, “If you are fully trusting God and letting His will be done in your life, why are you so heartbroken and angry?” God saw the battle inside of me—of wanting to do His will, and yet feeling frustrated when His will was carried out.
The question I received prompted me to reflect and ask God what He wanted to teach me. While He didn’t answer my prayer the way I hoped he would, God allowed me to learn two things from this incident.
It was about exposing the condition of my heart
First was to expose the condition of my heart. Many times, our hearts crave to fulfil our own desires, to the point that our desires consume us.
Elisabeth Elliot once said, “Few things have the power to make us feel as sorry for ourselves as has loneliness.” Even though my past relationships and experiences have taught me that God has my best interest in mind, when I feel really lonely, I’m unable to see that truth. As Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
However, God knows my heart and whether I had really set my heart before Him, just as I had prayed to do. And so, the question came: would I still worship Him when things did not turn out as desired?
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I needed a reminder to submit to Him as the Lord of my life and to surrender every desire to Him. I needed to repeat this truth to myself and preach it to my heart—that Jesus bought me with His own life, and my life was no longer my own (Galatians 2:20,1 Corinthians 6:19-20). These verses have comforted me, showing me how Someone loves me enough to pursue me all the way to the cross.
It was about a lesson in patience
Secondly, this incident was also a lesson of patience. Entrusting my future to God’s good plans (Romans 8:28-30; Isaiah 55:8-9) helps me become patient in my waiting. I know that His definition of good may be different from what I can comprehend. As Proverbs 3:5 reminds me to “Trust in the Lord with all [my] heart and lean not on [my] own understanding”, I know I do not have to try so hard to find someone or make something happen (for instance, checking the app three times a day, or trying to connect with a new person to talk to). As I wait, I can be faithful in doing what God has entrusted me to do in my church and communities, such as using my time to write articles like this (writing has been an effective way of taking my mind off my loneliness), taking an active part in my life group, and following up on my friends who are in need.
Walking closely with God has showed me He is sovereign, He is good, and He does good in my life. It has reminded me to keep on leaning on the Holy Spirit when things don’t turn out as I hoped. I might not understand the situation I’m in but surrendering my life to Him daily helps me realign my desire to God’s. In turn, He fills me with strength and wisdom.
I have also developed a few routines to get through those hard days, such as offering my loneliness in prayer, declaring God’s good promises out loud, going for a walk or calling up a friend. Doing these little things help turn my thoughts away from the downward spiral of self-pity.
I don’t know when God will answer my prayer for a partner, but I trust in His timing, and I know Jesus will be with me in my loneliness. In fact, I know He’ll use my loneliness to draw me closer to Him, and what a wonderful and precious relationship this is!
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Your story is such an inspiration. ❤️
Your story inspired and encouraged me a lot not just on the aspect of dating but entrusting your life to God’s will!
Thanks you helped
I can relate with you situation, thank you for sharing, I am comforted by your spiritual views
This is beautiful, I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Grace. Your storry is touching and encouraging. I am also experiencing the same. But I know too, Jesus will give me a right answer in the right time. Be blessed.
I am so blessed with your story. I think it’s really the same situation I have. I dated many guys and longing for love but it ended up heartbroken and even to try dating app but I heard a small voice of God that it not there I will find my God’s best so I deleted it. Now Im in my 30’s Im still single and admit I feel the loneliness but I will continue to pray and trust in Him
Sorry, in my post it should’ve read I’m still longing for him FOUR years later.
This blog read and ended as I expected as I’ve read several similar. Sorry this is long but I need to get it out.
You end it with “I don’t know when God will answer my prayer for a partner.” It should read IF he will answer your prayer for a partner. I see your blog is 2021 (November) – have you found ‘the one’ yet? Hope so.
Thing is, women have biological clocks that tick much faster than a man’s so if you’ve not found the love of your life yet, I hope it’s not much longer. Women lose the ability to reproduce by their early 40s but men can pump them out even in their 80s and 90s.
Why do some of us have to beg God, do you think when others are blessed so easily with ‘the one.’
I met my man at 33, married at 42 then at 45 found out he’d been having a long-term affair which started about ten months before our marriage. I kicked him out for four months then took him back but really struggled with the thought of all the times he’d spent with her over me, so sometimes when I’d had a drink I’d have a go at him so 3.5 years later he left. I was NEVER like that before I found out about the affair, after a drink. He then went and sniffed out his affair partner and got back with her so her marriage of what must’ve been 25-30 years failed because of what they’d done. They’re now shacked up together in our Devon lodge.
Of course, I regret not forgiving him sooner, especially as I’m a Christian. I miss him dreadfully. The last time we were ‘together’ was about October 2020. The longing for him still hasn’t subsided four years later.
I pray and pray but get no peace. I lay it all at God’s feet but I’m still tormented about them living the life that was meant for us.
I’ve done all the stuff you do – offering my loneliness to God – like I did driving to work this morning, again sat on sofa when home from work and will again shortly while I’m here in bed. I go for walks – did this evening as usual, have spoken to a friend but the loneliness, fear of dying alone – nearly all my family are dead, and shame of driving him away sit in me like a lump. I love him and won’t love anybody else because I know my heart.
And as for patience – as I said, I waited until 42 to marry and am now 53 so not sure how much more patient I have to be. And again, patience is all very well but as a woman, you’ve a biological clicking ticking.
Yes, I read more Scripture now I’m lonely and broken (and I know the Scripture that God draws close to the broken-hearted so don’t need that quoting at me) but I can say that even before my husband, Steve left, I prayed every day, attended Church as I do now, and went to Home Group/Bible study.
So, I don’t know if I’m closer to God but I honestly feel there is no hope for me to be happy again as husband likely won’t come back. Yes, God’s love is greater than any earthly love but He meant for us to have a partner on the earth.
Please don’t say, God’s love is all we need because if that were true, you wouldn’t be looking for a partner yourself.
Loads of things have gone wrong for me since Steve left – from nightmare tenants, who’ve now gone after a year of fighting, thank the Lord, then another year of getting the house straight which they trashed, so I could sell it. Before selling though, had to get fixed heaps of problems like plaster falling off lounge ceiling, workman falling through floor boards, rising damp, kitchen-diner floor collapsing, electrics being sorted etc. – I just thank Father God all this happened AFTER the tenants left. I’ve had a broken shoulder – my husband moved out during this time, job losses (several), horrible bosses, three hours to get home sometimes, due to trains being rubbish, fighting anti-social behaviour from a pub over back garden wall as well as campaigning to stop budget hotel going up – we won, thank God again, brother being diagnosed with a condition which could leave him with 3-5 years to live, and the week before last, my best friend’s husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour and is now mostly unconscious and has days or weeks to live. Oh, and my current job ends shortly. Believe me, that is just SOME of the c&ap I’ve had to deal with on my own.
I know God has been with me the whole time but it’s all made me feel ill – and I wish God would put out the recycling/bins sometimes to help more! I am still praying to Him. So, I DO stick with him when many things are wrong. Yet, here I am still unhappy and heart-broken. And I fear God will not answer my prayers regarding Steve.
I just want me and my cat to go to sleep and not wake up until the second Coming and the Rapture.
Some days are better than others. This isn’t one of them.
Hi, I am blessed with your message. I must admit I thought I was the only single person but, I now realized that there are others like me who are faced with being single and facing challenges like I am. I also realized that God is in control of everything and that trusting in God more and using my singleness to focus on Him while I wait is very important to me. Sometimes I focus on being alone that I even forget about God, too, and I feel that this pushes me away from Him and my relationship with Him. What you said about Jeremiah 17:9, hits me hard. It’s like a wakeup call, reminding me where my heart truly is right now. God should be the desire of my heart. When my heart is focused on Him, then I am in peace even in my singleness.