3 Ways to Embrace the Gift of Singleness
Singleness was never a gift I asked God for. Instead, I have always desired companionship and to start my own family, so the more years I move up in my twenties, the more tempted I am to detest this gift and “exchange” it for the gift of marriage.
However, after reading a book, Experiencing God, by Henry Blackaby and Claude King, which showed me God’s nature and heart for world redemption, it has helped me put my gift of singleness into perspective, and to use this gift as the Lord intends. Though my years of singleness have been a mixture of joy, doubt, and pain, I am learning to embrace this gift by remembering the following truths about my Heavenly Father.
1. God is good—He gives only good gifts.
When I see my friends going out on dates or posting about their engagements or marriages on social media, it is easy for me to envy the exclusive affection that marriage entails, and even fear that I will remain unmarried. When envy and fear creep in, I am tempted to see my gift of singleness more as a curse than a gift, and ask God when my turn is—as if singleness is just a waiting room for marriage.
But in recent years, I have learned that regardless of whether we’re single or married, God can use us powerfully for His glory. As single men, both Jesus and Paul were effective in ministry. And as a married couple, Priscilla and Aquila also were effective in the early church ministry (Acts 18).
Because God is good and loving, He only gives good gifts in line with His loving nature (James 1:17)—and these gifts include both singleness and marriage.
Over time, I have found that putting on a spirit of gratitude protects my heart from envy and fear. When I catch myself tempted with envy, I have made it a habit to immediately give thanks to God for what I do have and all He has done in and through my life. With His help, I am finding it easier to “rejoice with others who rejoice” (Romans 12:15)—recognizing that the Lord has been good not only to me but to those around me.
Knowing that He is the giver of all good gifts helps me embrace my singleness, along with all the other gifts He provides.
2. God wants the best for us—He gives each gift to make us more like Christ.
2 Peter 1:3 says, “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”
I believe “everything we need” includes singleness and marriage. Regardless of which season we’re in, God can use them to grow our faith and help us lead a “godly life”—of which Christ is our perfect example.
One moment when my gift of singleness felt particularly stark was during a week-long wait for my final clinical exam results, which would determine my future as a clinical practitioner. Being a single woman and geographically far away from friends and family, I had no one to turn to.
But because of that, I was driven deeper to God—my ever-present help in time of need (Psalm 46:1).
During that time, I came across a devotion where Christ cried out to God in Gethsemane just before He was crucified (Matthew 26:36-46), asking God to take the cup of suffering away from Him, but ultimately declaring, “Yet not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39). After reading this, I chose to follow His example, and I cried out to God in desperation for peace and confidence that my future was in His hands.
3. God is eternal—He gives gifts with our eternity in mind.
Knowing I am loved by an infinite, personal, and generous God who knows and holds my future helps me use my God-given resources for kingdom purposes.As the Apostle Paul points out in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, singleness allows a person full devotion to God in a way that would be hard for married people (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
With that in my mind, I ask myself—“Will my season of singleness matter ten billion years from now? Will my time and availability in this season help bring others to Christ in a way that marriage can’t?” Will I let God use my season of singleness in a way that leaves an eternal impact?
Being single has allowed me to plan and participate in multiple outreach efforts which have brought people to Christ. I am also available to help my friends in desperate situations at a moment’s notice—even rushing to meet one with symptoms of depression and preparing my house to accommodate her. My weekends and evenings are available for Bible study and community groups.
Two years ago, my small group and I drafted our life mission statements. Mine was to “write to encourage others, especially young adults.” Knowing my mission gave me purpose and clarity, and I have been using my time and energy as a single woman to say yes to inspirational writing projects that came my way—a book and a worship album—as well as to encourage and invest in the lives of young adults.
Through these opportunities, I am thankful that God has used this time to develop godly character within me and use me in others’ spiritual journeys. As I continue to go about my God-given mission, I pray that He will multiply my efforts to make this season of life truly count for eternity.
Lord God, I thank You that You are good. You know my heart’s desires, and You have the best plan to prepare me for eternity. Thank You for all Your gifts. Whether single or married, please keep me in the center of Your will, close to Your heart, a channel of Your blessing, and a harbinger of Your Gospel. As I carry out Your mission, I pray for help—whether it’s through a life partner, and always through the empowering of Your Spirit and Your church.. I love You, Lord! Amen!
Thank you Ms. Sarah Tso for sharing the word of God regarding the season of singleness. this really encourage me to serve God more and
to focus on His words. to enjoy my season to glorify the Lord. I rest in the thought of God Promises he knows what we need even before we speak in prayer.
Thank you. I needed this today and will probably bookmark it so I can come back to it again.
Didn’t God say that man shouldn’t be alone?
Hi Mike! Indeed God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Clearly God created us with a need to enjoy other relationships beside Himself exclusively, but God must be at the centre of our hearts, to which all our other relationships are then added. Also, God never promised marriage to everyone on earth – but in heaven we all will be. That is something we all can look forward to! (Adapted from Gary Thomas in his classic “Sacred Marriage”).
Singleness isn’t a gift for a man like me that really was hoping to find love with the right woman to settle down with to have a family, just like so many others that were very extremely lucky to find the love of their life to share it with. Everyone needs to be loved and to give love back in return. Not fun at all growing old single and alone all by yourself. No wonder it is so very easy for many of us single people to really hate all the holidays when they come around since we have no one to share it with.
Very relatable. Envy and comparison is definitely a struggle when you see your friends enjoy success in dating, relationships, and marriage. It often seems like they meet people by coincidence (when they’re “not looking,” as the Christianese cliché goes), while you put effort into dating and always come up empty.
You mention that “God is good” and that “He gives only good gifts.” As a single, you hear a lot of platitudes, and people will often combine the verse from 1 Corinthians 7 about the “gift of singleness” with this verse from James 1:17.
The implication, however, is that God actively “gave” you the “gift of singleness.” As a Christian, a lot of times you’ll hear that your current bad situation is “where God has you right now.” When you’re unhappily single, you’ll definitely hear that, if you express your frustration about it. However, we have no way of knowing this. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean God wants it that way.
Think about this idea in other contexts. If I’m homeless, or unemployed, or being abused, is that where “God has me right now,” or where “God wants me right now”?
If you’re single, sure, you COULD, perhaps, be passive, sit back, trust in “God’s timing,” and simply wait for something to happen. However, this could just guarantee that you’ll stay single for far longer than you ever planned. Sometimes we’re simply afraid of taking action. Sometimes we’re worried about screwing up “God’s plan.” Sometimes we worry that taking action reflects badly on us, because we’re not exercising enough “faith.” But I wouldn’t worry too much about all this stuff. Aren’t there plenty of people in the Bible that took action to make things happen?
I know the Bible doesn’t really tell us anything about dating. But look at Ruth and Boaz, for instance. Here we see Ruth making a plan and taking action. She didn’t sit back, wait on God’s timing, and wait for God to do all the work for her. She did things. When Boaz was interested in her, he did things to make her feel welcome. He didn’t wait for God to do everything for him.
You also mention that singleness allows you “full devotion to God.” That’s great, but it often seems like a consolation prize, and it doesn’t make me want marriage any less. Besides, if that’s true, why are all the pastors married? Have you ever met an unmarried pastor? I haven’t.
As a single, you often wonder if God cares about your life. You mention the realities of eternity here. Jesus also said that there won’t be marriage in heaven. Sometimes I think that, if that’s the case, maybe God DOESN’T care that much about our dreams for marriage. But it’s just a thought, I don’t really know. The easy Christianese answer, of course, is “Of course God cares!” Great. He still doesn’t promise it to us. But, Jesus did promise us trouble on Earth. It’s hard, for sure.
I assume in heaven we won’t be dealing with unmet romantic desires, and simply won’t have that passion anymore. If so, it’s one of the reasons I’m looking forward to heaven, for sure.
Another point about the idea that singleness allows you “full devotion to God.” Like I said, you hear this a lot when you’re single, from people who try to cheer you up about it.
A lot of this comes from a certain take on what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul basically says here that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry?
What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then maybe you have the gift of singleness.
You also write that, “As the Apostle Paul points out in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, singleness allows a person full devotion to God in a way that would be hard for married people (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).”
A lot of the time, when you’re single, people tell you to “take advantage” of it because you can apparently “serve more.” You have more “time” to serve. Etc., etc.
I think lot of this comes from a certain take on what Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. Paul basically says that an unmarried person is devoted to the Lord and not distracted by the needs of his spouse. This is then interpreted by some to mean that a person can do “more ministry” as a single. I don’t think that’s what Paul says here. I mean, if that’s the case, why are all the pastors and church elders typically married? Did they make a mistake? Is marriage getting in the way of their ministry? What Paul says here, I believe, is that if you AREN’T distracted by the desire for marriage, then maybe you have the gift of singleness.