I Felt Insignificant in God’s Kingdom

Written By Deborah Lee, Singapore

I had been writing for an organization during my free time for the past year. But one day, I was not asked to continue with the next story. I stopped getting emails from them and when I wrote in to them, it did not yield any response.

At the same time, my six-year-old son recently started staying with me at our new home, after spending the past five years living with my in-laws. Now, most of my time at home is spent with him. My only spare time comes after reading bedtime stories and tucking him in for the night. It is obvious to me that God is bidding me into this new season of motherhood.

But deep within my heart, I still wrestled with lots of questions. Why am I no longer asked to write? Is it because my last few articles needed quite a bit of editing? Is it because I had previously overlooked the word count?

As I reminisced over the times that I worked closely with the team, I felt lost because I was no longer part of the publishing team. Instead of spending my time piecing together articles and inspiring stories that would change lives, I was now spending my spare time at home in the obscurity of guiding my son in his kindergarten schoolwork and playing with him instead.

Even though I was following the Lord’s leading into this new routine, I felt insignificant. I was needed only by my son, not the publishing team. My behind-the-scene role in motherhood seemed less appealing to me. I felt that God was not using me much in His Kingdom anymore.

The struggles in my heart began to grow louder. But as I brought my struggles to the Lord and invited Him to search my heart, He revealed to me that I was finding my worth in what I was doing. Although my name was usually not published with the articles I wrote, I felt special for being part of a publishing team, for having access to pre-published media content, and for having my articles published. It felt good to be a part of the meaningful work.

With the changing of seasons, God showed me that instead of enthroning Him in my heart, I preferred to enthrone myself and the work I did. God gently corrected me by reminding me that His love for me is constant, and He will not allow anything to separate me from His love (Romans 8:35)—including my dangerously misaligned heart.

Seasons in life change, but God remains constant (Hebrews 13:8). And as my Abba Father, He is always pursuing me with love—I am anchored in His eternal goodness and will not be shaken by temporal earthly glories. I believe this change in season was for my own good—to sanctify my heart, to help me anchor my worth in Him alone, and to enable me to find unshakable joy in Him wherever He bids me.

The more I dwelled on these truths, the more I realized that even when God leads me to a seemingly less important role, it does not mean that He is using me any less in His Kingdom. My life is not my own, and wherever He places me, I am still of great value to Him and can be useful in His kingdom.

With a surrendered heart, I am determined to use this new season for His glory. As I fix my eyes on Him, I know that I can bear fruit even in the hidden moments because He is the one who causes us to bear fruits. I could show those around me that, with God, I can be content wherever I am because He’s the one who strengthens me to do all things (Philippians 4:11-13) and nothing surpasses the worth of knowing Him (Philippians 3:8-10)

Although the calling of motherhood may not be as “public” or glamorous as the calling of a writer, with each step I take with my son, I can help this little boy see himself through God’s eyes, and nurture him into a man after God’s own heart—and this is a calling that’s valuable in God’s eyes. The Lord calls us to make disciples of all nations and to share the gospel with our children in whatever we do (Matthew 28:19-20, Deuteronomy 11:19). Obeying the Lord as a mother means heeding His command to share the goodness of God with my son, and to help him see the presence of God in his own life.

My obedience to the Lord, although imperfect, may lay a foundation for my child’s future. My son watches my words and actions, and I try to model that well. When I lose my temper and desperately need the Lord’s grace and mercy, I hold my son’s hands and ask the Lord for forgiveness. I ask for strength to be a better mother and to love my son more, and I commit us both to the Lord. God is glorified in those moments when I humble myself in forgiveness.

Even if the world does not see what I do in those quiet moments, nothing is ever hidden from God’s sight, and He does not despise any humble role that He calls me to. I can display my faithfulness to Him in little ways, until the day He welcomes me into His eternal Kingdom. May I continue to find my worth in God, remember my purpose in Him, and stay focused on His purpose for my life regardless of the seasons I’m in.