How Christianity Ruined My Life
I had a very clear vision of what my life should look like.
I was supposed to be married by now, for one. There was someone I had called the love of my life. And even though I had known for years that I had no peace from God about marrying this person, I did my best to ignore it. I called the absence of that peace so many things: fear of commitment, of change, of moving too quickly. Eventually the pain of living with my heart split in two became unbearable. The day I chose God and ended that relationship, I felt certain I’d just exchanged the person I’d loved most for a lifetime of loneliness.
I was also supposed to have some sort of brilliant career by now. What was the point of graduating with top honors, only to be saddled with middling part-time work, and no career progression, benefits, or opportunities to build any kind of legacy? Meanwhile, my more fortunate peers have landed jobs that put them in places to move financial markets, fight for justice, and heal the sick. I know I’m not without intelligence, but God so firmly closed all the doors to work I considered significant, that I really did wonder if He thought me incompetent.
And I certainly wasn’t supposed to have been sexually assaulted for four years by a senior staff of my home church. Or to need to look for a new place to worship so that I could heal from my post-traumatic stress disorder. At the lowest point of my life, I didn’t even have the familiarity of community I’d come to call family. And God didn’t seem to be in a hurry to provide a new one either. He gave no word on where I could find another church family. It felt like God was content to kick back and read His newspaper while I drowned at sea.
This wasn’t supposed to be my lot. I’d served Him faithfully all my life and lived within the boundaries He’d set for godliness. Yet on all the things that mattered most to me, He stayed curiously silent over the years. I wasn’t asking for much: just someone I could love, work that I could be proud of, a community where I could be safe. These things were biblical, surely, and good. And what was it that Scripture said? “No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” (Ps 84:11).
As the years went on, that verse increasingly felt like a joke. Around me there were people who didn’t give any thought to God and His ways, but they were getting everything that I wanted! Why did God seem intent on frustrating all my attempts to carve out this life for myself?
Crushed, and furious that I’d “wasted” my life living for Him only to get nothing valuable in return, I eventually left God.
My circumstances had led me to misinterpret God chronically: I thought that He was not good because He refused to give me the good things that I needed to thrive. But after three miserable years of trying to find happiness apart from Him, I realized that I’d gravely misread the situation.
We don’t hear much about idols these days. It seems like such an antiquated idea, people bowing to wooden statues and expecting to be saved. How can they not see that those things are useless?
But what I didn’t realize was how much having a spouse, a job with career progression, and a church community to alleviate my loneliness, had become idols. If only I had these things, my heart unknowingly thought, I’d be saved from pain. They’d meet my needs for significance, love, belonging, and value. God + (insert idol) would make me content. And, if I really had to choose, it wasn’t God who I believed was the more effective of the two.
As He held those things back from me, and watched me rage and rail, God must have been rubbing His temples wondering, “How can she not see that those things will not save her?”
I can’t be certain, but I have a hunch why God ruined all my plans. If He had let me have those things I had wanted so badly, I would have depended on them to meet all my needs. I would then have to spend every waking minute ensuring I didn’t lose them, so that my needs could keep being met. Was I putting enough into my job to make sure I kept getting promoted? Was I being a good enough partner to make sure I wouldn’t be left? Was I meeting the expectations of my community to make sure I stayed valuable to them? Enslaved to a life of frenzied scrambling, I would have been reduced to a mess of insecurity and fear.
And when these idols failed to complete me—as they were bound to fail—I would have been completely shattered. What kind of damage would being so overwrought with fear have done to me? What kind of damage would I have done to the people I loved by expecting them to fill a need no human could fill?
It was out of His goodness that God upturned my life: to expose all the idols that I was relying on to save me. God refused to leave me deceived, clamoring for things that would not work. Instead, He led me to Himself: the True Satisfier (Phil 4:19). I’ve come to learn that being married or having a successful career or a church community aren’t dreadful things to want. But if I couldn’t survive without them, I know I’ve made them my idols.
Since I left my relationship and returned to God, there’s not been a day where I haven’t felt an excruciating loss. But there’s also not been a day where I’ve gone to bed without peace. God has come through, without fail, in quiet and surprising ways to meet the needs of the day. He turns my attention to the beautiful things He already has given me—my family, close friends, the work that I have—and lets me feel His presence through them.
They aren’t consolation prizes, God tells me, but the very best things I know you need right now to heal. Sometimes He shows up in the books I’m reading, giving me answers to painful questions I haven’t even properly articulated. He even orchestrated an elaborate object lesson once, on my evening walk, to demonstrate how walking with Him will lead me into a life that suits me better than the one I had left behind. These things give me hope that I’ve not been forgotten.
Even without the things I thought I needed, I’ve been sufficiently . . . filled. In letting go of all the crutches that made me feel supported and safe, I can finally give God a chance to reveal His power and make my life whole.
I don’t have a clear vision of what my life will look like anymore. But I am starting to see that I am in safe hands. And perhaps this is as good a starting place as any.
I’m so sorry to hear that you were assaulted by someone trusted and respected in your community. I hope you know that that act is NOT something that the church community should have allowed, and that our God is a God of Justice. I also hope you know that whatever happened was NOT your fault and ABSOLUTELY NOT something ordained or in God’s plan. It is not an idol to desire a community where you can feel safe and whole. Yes, it cannot be the main driving force of our faith, but it is a God-given, holy desire to have people around us who represent His love and grace. That is NOT something you should be ashamed of, and I hope you are experiencing a better community than the one you left behind.
I hope that you are receiving kindness and grace and healing from your current church community. I’m glad that you are receiving peace from God, but I also hope you are healing from this trauma and that the person responsible is facing atonement for their actions. Justice is mine, says the Lord. May you rest in the knowledge that our God is a God of peace and Justice and love.
Hi Jayktee, thank you for taking the time to write this. We will be sure to convey it to the author. 🙂
Thanks for this sharing. I’m so blessed by this story
Today i felt so sad, my love left me because i didn’t meet his standard. Moreover my study hasn’t finished yet, then on the next month there’ll be civil servant recruitment. Yes that’s career
This story… God talks to me. I know He’s very good Father, He loves me and love you so
Obey Him is the one that He wants, because He has the best in store for His people who love Him
I know how you feel. I have been thru that
Thank you for sharing.
God bless and guide your way.
The stripping away of my plan, to be replaced with his presence has been such a painfully glorious gift. I’m with you.
The words I just read was heartfelt. There is nothing like when you put your trust in someone and have them in turn into a monster. A church is a building, Jesus is the head of the church, put your trust in Him at all time. With all this said, trust in God, and everything will turn out all right.
If you ever read the book of Job in the Old Testament, then you will get a sense that “bad things happen to good (righteous) people”. As God said to Job, “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?” In the book of Ecclesiastes, we hear the words of King Solomon tell us that sometimes the wicked prosper and the righteous become poor and die. We live in a broken world, where I see my fellow Christians suffer and die in Iraq, Syria, Egypt, and elsewhere. A pastor was recently killed by an crocodile while baptizing in Ethiopia. A 20-year old man is killed in a car accident on our local highway. These are daily events which we do not have control. The circumstances of your life are not unusual to many people. A young Christian woman is raped, tortured, and killed by Muslim terrorists in the Middle East. These things are out of our control. We cannot reach into the mind of the eternal Godhead and search for answers in our limited capacity. We have to wait for the answers to the questions in our lives: “Why did this happened to me?” “Why did not God answer my prayers?” “What is He waiting for?” The fact is that our wait is limited to our short lives on earth. Our lives are but a mist that comes in the morning and is gone by noon. We can focus on the eternal hope that all things will be rectified in God and in heaven at the time of the Resurrection of the Saints and the Rapture of the Church. That time is near with the events taking place around the nation of Israel in the Middle East. As God said in His word, “I will bring all nations to come against Jerusalem” and “I will judge all nations in the Valley of Decision”. Our redemption from this evil world is near. We hope in the 2nd Coming of Jesus to gather his Church to Himself. As the time is short, for everyone’s lives on earth are nothing compared to eternity, we must tell the world of Jesus’ plan for salvation (Matthew 28:16-20). We can focus on ourselves and our problems, as we all do, or we can focus on letting people know the truth of God’s plan of salvation for all mankind.
I understand how you feel, I too know what it is like to be disappointed I have been thru the same.. I am glad you have put this in God’s hands and let him workout justice on your behalf. I believe he will restore everything that was taken from you.. there is nothing like God peace.
I wish I could sympathize with your story and have a happy ending or some type of redeeming lesson but it does not. I decided to leave God, it won’t be easy as growing up in a christian home it has been drilled into my subconscious that he is the first person I talk when I need help by instinct. I am married with an 8 yr old boy and ever since I can remember, God has set me up only to let me fall, getting progressively worse each time. God let me down in my moment of need, he has allowed so many bad things to happen to me and my family over time. I can honestly say that he did forsake me when I tried to always do the right thing, to uphold his commandments, to forgive my enemy after they destroyed my life. I’ve watched atheist friends rise up to have a happy marriage, financially secure and great health. I battled cancer, lost my job, ruined my credit due to medical bills, no help came except from my family. My family developed a disorder as a result of the levels of stress we had and I’m sure my son was affected as well. No thank you, keep your God who has been missing in action my whole life.
I have neither joy, happiness, peace, love nor salvation. I honestly believe that in order for God’s chosen ones to have a fulfilling life, he chooses others to suffer, kind of a sacrifice, some people must be sacrificed for others to live better. I do believe God is real but he does not care for everyone the same, he picks and chooses who gets to have a life of suffering and who does not.
Believe me when I tell I’ve studied the bible, I listened to the well known preachers, theologians, apologists and evangelical leaders. I’ve defended the faith among friends, college professors and other religions, yet I got nothing but pain, suffering, humiliation and bitterness for my services. The only conclusion left is that I was not chosen, not saved, as the bible clearly states not all who say Lord, Lord will be saved, I am one of those. Matthew 7:21.
There were times when I felt good as a faith warrior, full of hope for the future, always thought God had good things in store for me, sure I expect to have problems and some suffering but I also expected days of Joy, Peace and Love, none of that ever came.
I no longer pray that my cancer doesn’t come back, if it does then I will welcome it, death is better than living in a world that is not for you, where suffering seeks you day and night. The only people who truly love me unconditionally are my parents, they were always there for me. I won’t tell them of my decision as it would break their hearts and I will pretend so they can live out their last years thinking I love and serve the Lord.
I do hope they make it, I hope my son makes it, I tell the Lord to take my soul as sacrifice but save my son. Somehow I know he won’t and my son will have the same or worse fate than me.
I’m so sorry to hear about the challenges that you’ve had to face in life. I won’t even presume to understand the pain that you and your family have gone through. I can relate to the frustration of not finding God anywhere amidst the pain, especially after trying over and over again.
In the years that I left God, a former mentor never tried to drag me back to church or to God. She let me figure things out in my own time. She only encouraged me to keep company with people who really loved me, so that I wouldn’t have to go through it alone. I appreciated that advice; it really helped me through some of the despair and anguish. So, I’m very glad to hear that you have wonderful and supportive parents. Family like that is such a gift.
Feel free to drop us notes at YMI; we’ll be happy to keep in touch and hear about how you’re doing. We definitely don’t have all the answers, but we’re more than willing to listen.
i agree God ruined my life..i beg for death to.. im still stuck in this mess and the christians have devalued me more than atheists have..Have u heard this one yet? you deserve hell? i gave up everything to follow Jesus in return that is what they preach to me.. i have given and given and given and i need to get out..i dont know where to begin cuz i gave all up for God..i vollunteer 70 hrs a week in a church and just want to put a gun to my head
Thank you for being brave for sharing. Your letters sound so much like mine and thank you for strengthening my faith that believing god is a waste of time. I too have decided years ago I can no longer let god dangle his promises in front of me like a carrot on a stick as he blesses people who did nothing for the his promises. Sad to say that even He is a liar.
oh guilty gilbert wake up these things happened to me too i always was loyal to god /jesus always asking for help seldom answered when prayers were i realized it was just the probabilities at work it took alot of soul searching pardon the punn to realize that god is a myth god dident create man man created god ancient men that dident understand things just put it to a god im in a terrible place by myself no family all dead out of work health issues not even a girlfriend i always believed this god would help me nope not a chance bottom line there is no god
Keep in mind the devil job is to kill steal and destroy. The devil wants to take the joy from your life. The joy only God can give. The devil wants to get you so isolated to all you hear is his voice. Cry out to God and ask him to restore your faith,, he only wants a mustard seed. The devil is so happy right now because he got what he wanted. He doesn’t want your house, your kids, your body,, really not even you,, he wants to take what God has for you. He wants to take your mind, your light,, he wants too get you so low in your faith that you don’t even call on the Lord anymore. That’s a dangerous place to be. You think your life was bad before just watch how it will be disconnected from God,, look at Jesus. He didn’t marry, didn’t have kids,, his own family turned on him, his friends betrayed him,, his mother had to watch him get beat and tortured and he died and was humiliated. Keep in mind this life down here is temporary. What about life after? None of the pain and the hurt and the sickness will exist, it is going to be beautiful life for us when this is over. Please don’t give up. Remember his words and his promises,, sometimes things look like punishment but it’s protection. I ask in the name of Jesus for your faith to be restored and the stronghold of the devil be burned in hell. God sent his only son for us. He loves us so much. Don’t let disappointments stop your faith. The woman with the issue of blood had that condition for 12 years before she was healed,, the woman in Luke was twisted up and deformed for 18 YEARS and she still believed and was healed. What if she gave up and didn’t come to church that day, she would have missed her healing and blessing. Faith and hope is what we need to survive. She kept going to church because she made up in her mind that she believed. She said it has to be something to this,, her hope kept her going, she said it has to be something to this thing and I’m not giving up until I figure out what God is doing. And she was healed. I know hope deferred can make the heart sick. But Jesus can fix and heal that. Guys keep going and finish your race and fight the good fight. God bless every single person on here! ❤️
Forgive me but this is all lies, God has taken everything I wanted to have and left me to be bitter.
This is all lies, worst people than me had better lifes, why is he ruining my life, if You would like to apply logic to it it would mean God is saying Just kill yourself right away, and that is how I read it. it is too much.
I’m so sorry to hear that life has been exceptionally difficult for you. I don’t doubt the pain has been extreme. I don’t have any easy answers, and do not assume that my words will magically erase what you’ve had to struggle with.
What I do know though, and I daresay people would agree with me whether they’re a Christian or not, is that your life is valuable. If we take all the ‘God talk’ out of the picture for a moment, and the blame and finger pointing for the cause of all our pain, what remains is the fact that, as a human being, you are worth being listened to and supported through what you’re wrestling with. And I’m certain there are people in your community who will be more than willing to help you. I hope that you’ll be able to reach out to them and not try to bear this alone.
Never mind with who’s to blame for now. Even if we figure that out, it doesn’t do anything to change your immediate circumstances and alleviate your pain. What’s more important is how you choose to move forward. Your life is worth far more than having it end with your problems triumphing over you. You deserve to have a story that continues on into something good, where the darkness and pain don’t have the last word on who you are. There is a way through, sometimes we just need someone to work things out with us. I really hope you’ll reach out to someone who can help you in person.
Thank you for your words, there is a reason for me to think that You have walked your walk with the almighty, and cried up a river.
(13): Who is wise and well-instructed-among you? Let him show, out of his comely behaviour, his works, in meekness of wisdom. [Emphasized Bible by J.B. Rotherham, Jk 3]
Your soft words are like rain in a desert place and You are like a cloud on a desert,
The way You touch others with words is like a soft touch of a loved one…
True I may sound like a rebel, or maniac, but I wouldn’t wish that my circumstances would happened to anyone.
It was a long time with the most biggest pressure on me ever, like a furnace that is cleansing the metal, or was it my fault?
Or it is just the way it should be, maybe I am tied to something, If i only were able to find enough evidence to prove this.
Maybe I was set free by God, but is it better to feel so lonely?
Does it mean that I am not ready for another person?
Or maybe I am so damaged that I can not be with another person. so much questions.
No answers, or no answers at the time.
I’m sorry that You had to read words from my dark side of the soul, and I have somehow clouded your shine.
Thank you so much for sharing this! It really helped me to get things back in perspective.
i feel like dying, but dont want to only because it would hurt my loved ones
I hope you’ve found wholesomeness and a sense of internal rest no matter where you are geographically. I’ve often wondered the same thing during my darkest loneliest days. The people who spit on God, mock Christ and his followers – everything just worked out perfectly in their life script. They met their life partners young, chased their careers, and got help with their first house. Seeing them get to have their white weddings and subsequent perfectly healthy children, it was like Satan was literally mocking me through them. Like saying ‘ha ha ha you’re the one who follows God’s laws but THEY get to be in the big white dress and line the picket fence, why is God blessing them and not you?’ and honestly I was like ‘yeah God why aren’t you??!!’
There are many verses in the bible encouraging us not to envy the ‘wicked’ and moreso, these psalms, proverbs and versus acknowledge that the wicked prosper and their crops don’t fail to produce wealth! Hmmmm! This observation is both ancient and true/
I believe some people just go through fire before they get closest to God. Not all people go through the fire before truly knowing the living God but some of us do and we’re the ones who can sit in solidarity with you.
A pastor once said, “when ‘bad things’ happen, don’t ask God ‘why’ instead ask ‘what does this mean?’ And ‘what do You want me to do about it?’” Asking why would inevitably result in “bitterness” towards God, as if God owed us an explanation. I have found this really helpful during tough times. God has promised that he has gone into our future to prepare the way, and in kindness he follows behind us to spare us from the harm of our past.[a]
With His hand of love upon our life,
He imparts a blessing to us.
We can trust Him in and with our life.
Depressing because I can relate to over half of that trash that has came at you.
I am really angry at God today.
Christianity ruined my life. I had faith. Trusted God. I ended up staying in a humiliating marriage because he was a sinner and he needed me. It was an assignment directly from Jesus. I lost my job of over 10 years bc my supervisor lied on me to keep me from receiving a promotion, and when I tried to report it I was ” laid off”. Yet I still trusted Jesus believing this was part of a better plan he had for me. I have been unemployed for 8 years now. I developed mental health issues. Reading the bible started messing with my head. Yes, it was crazy I was a faithful believer now living just shy of skid row.
God never gave a good single man like me a good wife and family to share my life with.
Why am I being censored? Sad.
Hi guys, I’ve been a Christian for much shorter than some of you here, but I’ve had my share of troubles, fears, doubts, depressions, and ups and downs in the time I had been a believer. As I read what you guys wrote, I was reminded of the times when I was thinking “why are those people doing so well yet I’m not? Did I do something wrong?”. I’ll admit it, it wasn’t as severe as many of your situations, but I learned that after those experiences, although I didn’t like the experience, God was right in the end, and if only I had heeded and went with it, I wouldn’t be regretting the things I do now, and I would have been much further along the path he wanted me to walk. It was very intimidating for me, and I’ve been racking my brain on whether I was even doing things the right way, whether I was even a true Christian, and whether I knew even knew God/Christ. I’m writing because I want to tell you guys this: YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! You gave it all up for Christ and his kingdom, you did well, you suffered, just as the apostle Paul did, but he considered it a great thing to be able to suffer for the sake of Christ. I want to tell you that too. Do not give up now, you people of God, I believe God knows and he knows what he is doing even then. Keep going, your reward is with him. Have faith in him, go seek him out, come back to him, and trust in him again, even if it’s hard because of how bitterly you suffered all those years, can you do me a favor and please give your heavenly father a chance to show you what he’s about to do in your lives? I am not going to say your experiences were not painful, they most definitely were, but please don’t give up now, not when you are so close to the finish line, not when you are half way there having invested so much already! Why did you become a Christian? You started strong, now your job is to finish strong, it will be worth it in the end.
It’s hard to say if God wants good for us. I mean, honestly sometimes it seems like he doesn’t care at all. I also think a lot of religion is based on fear and chaos, not a great foundation for a great life, maybe that’s why it seems that those that don’t believe in God thrive, they are not basing their lives on fear, chaos and outsourcing for what they want. They are just getting up and getting it done.
Faith in God and religion will ruin your life. All of mistakes I have done, all negative events that happened in my life, ruined life, all of that happened because of faith in God. Run away from church, run from faith in God, never teach anyone about god. How many lives are destroyed because of faith and religion? You only live once. When you get older you will realize that faith in God have been the cause of all your failures, mistakes, losses.
no… dont you guys see… I came here because i went to google and typed in God destroyed my life and found this page. like many of you, bitter, sad.. angry, frustrated. trapped in sin, demoralized…. but reading these comments (which was like reading my own thoughts) made me see somthing. This is exactly what the bible says happens , troubles hardships… pain suffering,, every reason to doubt, every reason to give up,, to be bitter to turn you to hate God..
what better evidence that we have truly found salvation than to be buried in troubles? the hard road., is the narrow road, Job at the end of the book says though he slay me, yet I will trust him..I used this book JOB in many of my bitter rantings to God. But now I think im slowly starting to see.
We are so blind and deceived, dont you see this is YOUR trial,, YOUR cross to bear, the salvation of your souls, the testing of your faith..which is worth everything to gain, Be strong,, shake it oiff and move forward, satan is in action I thinks on us, trying to demoralize and destroy us.. —> dont let him. see it for what it is.
when I feel at my worst, I think of Jesus, God, how he humbled himself, how he died such an agonizing death for me,, it strengthens me,,, try it , maybe it will for you too. peace to all of you.