Written by Worarak Santadrob, Thailand, originally in Thai
Another Valentine’s Day has gone by and I’m still single.
When I was young, Valentine’s Day felt like a popularity contest. I could gauge how well liked I was by the amount of candy, chocolate, or heart-shaped stickers I received. As I grew older, I started to see it as an exclusive day for couples after seeing how they did special things for each other on this occasion. Soon, I started wishing for a partner of my own to celebrate Valentine’s Day with.
I’ve lost count of the number of Valentine’s Days that have slipped by while I’ve been single. Although there have been a number of experiences—unrequited love, brief relationships, and even ambiguous relationships—I’ve yet to be in a serious, committed relationship.
As a female, I found being single becoming more and more challenging with age. One day, I decided to bring this matter before God and pour out my heart to Him. It was then that I realized I had been wasting a lot of time and energy focusing on myself. As my relationship with God grew, so did my peace, satisfaction, and happiness.
Here are three takeaways I’ve learned during this period:
1. Listen to His voice rather than what the world says
Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of
your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
“You must go out with as many people as possible in order to find out who’s the best one for you.” “Your life will be complete when you find your other half.” “You can only find fulfillment by being in a relationship.” Any of these statements sound familiar?
In a world that places relationships on a pedestal, we need to discern what we hear and compare it with what God says. Through prayer and seeking His Word, we will know what attitude we should take towards our love life (or lack of one). Should we date a non-Christian? Can we have sex before marriage? These are issues that we will face and struggle with if we do not have His word in our heart. Memorizing His word can help remind us of who we are in Christ as well as prevent us from forgetting His promises to us.
When our minds are transformed by God, we will be more able to decipher His will. And we will be more likely to seek individuals who put God first.
2. Focus on our relationship with God first
John 15:4 “Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
Many of us are likely to feel sorry for ourselves during our periods of singlehood. Why not use this time to grow in our relationship with God? If we walk closely with Him, we will be better able to handle the temptations and loneliness that come our way. As John 15:4 says, we need to abide in Jesus.
I am thankful for how much my life has changed since I put Him first in my life. I believe that the godly attributes that I have learned will help me in a future relationship.
3. Trust in God regardless of what happens
1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,
who have been called according to his purpose.”
Sometimes, the biggest discouragement we face as singles come from the people closest to us. For example, though they may be well-meaning, their words can sometimes lead us to believe that we are still single because there is something wrong with us.
If you are in such a situation you are in, can I encourage you to look to God? God calls us to cast all our cares on Him because He cares for us. When we realize how much God values us, we can trust in Him to work out what His purposes in our life.
Even though we have no idea what our future will be like, or how God will write our love story, let’s hang in there. God is in control; His timing is always perfect.
We can’t determine when a relationship would happen, but we can determine what attitude to have in the meantime.