Written By Hilel Hodawya, Indonesia
At my college, every student has to undergo a mandatory internship as a graduation requirement. Since I wanted to begin my internship early, I started sending out applications long before anybody else during my final year.
However, although I went for countless interviews, I failed all of them, and received so many rejection letters that I lost count.
These rejections left me feeling really disappointed and upset. I had always been so sure about myself, and was confident that as long as I knew what I wanted to do, I could do it. But being rejected countless times made me doubt myself and my capabilities. I questioned everything I did and became insecure about my future.
I told myself to have faith in God. But it was not an easy thing to do, especially when I got rejected again and again. My frustration grew as I watched my friends get jobs one by one, even though I had started applying long before them. It became worse when I saw friends completing their internships. I was scared of being left behind and not graduating on time.Soon, I began to feel like God had abandoned me because He wasn’t answering any of my prayers.
While I was full of doubts and insecurities, God spoke to me through a devotional, which quoted from Proverbs 3:5, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” I was reminded once again that God has plans for me. In that moment, it might look like everything was uncertain, and the future was scary. But I should cast all my worries to Him, and He will care for me (1 Peter 5:7).
In my desperate search for an internship position, I met a friend to talk about my worries. He told me to remain calm and not to lose hope in God. He also reminded me that other than looking for an internship, I still had a lot of other things to do, including my responsibilities in my family and community.
At the time, I was part of a student organization on my campus. I was living alone, far from my family, and the organization provided me with a community. I spent a lot of time with the people from the organization, and we became really close. I considered them my second family.
That was my final year in the organization, and we were only a few months away from the farewell ceremony. My friend suggested that I focused more on the organization, as I still had a lot of time for the internship.
So I tried to do what my friend suggested. I still applied for internship opportunities, but I also intentionally spent more time with people from my community. When it was time for me to say goodbye to the community, I felt grateful that I had the chance to spend my last few months with these people, who are as close as family to me, something that I couldn’t have done if I already had an internship.
Furthermore, once I graduate, my relationship with the people from the community will change. We will be busy with our own lives and won’t be able to spend time together as much as we used to. I was pleased that we were able to take time together for our last moments.
There Is A Time for Everything
As I looked back on how God thwarted my plans, I was suddenly reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” It hit me then, that my failure in getting an internship might have been God’s way of directing me to appreciate the moments I had in the present.
I had been so busy preparing for my future that I had forgotten that God determines everything in its time. And now that I’ve managed to secure an internship position, I am grateful that He gave me the opportunity to spend the last few months with these friends and to create memories with them.
At the moment, we’re caught in the middle of a quarantine, and I’m still unsure about my future. I have completed my internship and am currently working on my thesis. Running a research is hard when everybody is on quarantine, and it has become harder than ever to find a job. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me in the coming year.
In fact, I just failed a job interview, but I am not disappointed. I feel comforted, knowing that God has a beautiful plan for me, and that He wants me to focus on my thesis without worrying about job seeking.
Looking back on how He has ordered my life over the past few months reminds me to continue to put my trust in Him, for He has given me the strength to do all things (Philippians 4:13), including facing the uncertainty of the future.