When I Thought God Didn’t Care

Written By Priscila Stevanni, Indonesia

It was one of the most distressing periods of my life. I was midway through my medical internship in the hospital’s surgery department, in a town I had never set foot in before. Back-to-back night shifts, sleepless nights, and an unending amount of notes to go through were taking their toll on me.

A friend of mine reminded me to keep praying. I immediately answered, “I am at a stage where I feel that praying doesn’t help me anymore. I can’t feel God’s presence. He hasn’t done anything to ease my burden.”

So I started to skip my routine of Bible reading. I prayed only because it was a habit—something I did every day before I went to sleep and before I ate. I didn’t even pay any attention to what I was praying for. I stopped sharing my feelings with God and asking Him for anything, because I felt that He didn’t understand how difficult and weary my life was. I retreated from God completely.

One day, a nurse came up to me out of nowhere and asked if I went to church. I looked at her blankly, trying to recall if I had ever told her that I was a Christian. She asked me the same question again. I replied, “Of course I go to church.”

She shook her head and said, “No, I mean do you go to church here?”

“Here?” I repeated, still trying to figure out why she was asking me such a question. “No, all this hospital work keeps me busy, even on Sundays. I don’t have time to go to church.” The reality was that I had never even tried to look for a church in the neighborhood to attend.

“Now you’re making excuses, kid,” she said. “It’s really important to go to church. Put God first.”

I was speechless. It was as if God was speaking to me through the nurse.

“There is a church around here, you just need to take a little walk from the hospital,” she added, before walking off and leaving me alone at the nurse station.

I felt so touched that I almost couldn’t hold back my tears. It was like hearing God saying directly to me, “Hey, I miss you.”

God had proved me wrong. He does care about me on my darkest nights. And He does care about you too.