I-Have-A-Sin-to-Confess

I Have A Sin to Confess . . .

One of the biggest things I’ve been learning recently is that sin is no trivial matter. I know some of you must be thinking, “Yeah, duh! Isn’t that obvious?”

But it’s so easy to take sin lightly, isn’t it? Because the reality of sin is this: it lodges itself so deeply in our lives that we sometimes don’t even know it exists. But it is there.

And every so often, God convicts us of our sin, as our hearts and minds are gripped by shame and guilt. When that happens, there is something we can do: Confess our sins. But how about the times when we feel like there’s nothing specific to confess? “I didn’t do anything horrendously bad, so why must I make up a problem just to feel bad?” you may be thinking.

Here’s what the Bible says in response to that: “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8).

 That’s how destructive and how deceitful our sinful selves can be. And there’s also the devil, who makes us think that we’re all right, that we’re doing fine. And slowly, we buy into the lie: You’re not that bad, God loves you always and He will take care of you, you don’t have to do anything. But the Bible says: “If we confess our sins, he (Jesus) is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

And today, I’m here to do exactly that.

I shared this before, in front of my friends at the Overseas Christian Fellowship, before my family, and even before the members of my church in Singapore. But once again, I must confess, because it still plagues me. And I boldly want to seek your help. I want—no, I need—you to pray. Not just for me, but for everyone who struggles with sin. I need you to pray for yourself, if you know and have been convicted that you are struggling with sin. I need you to surround yourself with people who will love you, and who will pray for you.

I’m just going to come out, right here and right now, because I believe in Jesus’ name, and with the support of God’s people, I will claim the victory over this sin that Jesus already claimed when He died and rose again from the cross.

I struggle with pornography, with lustful thoughts, and with masturbation.

Once, at the peak of my struggles, I visited a brothel in Thailand and had almost committed a sexual act, but God in His great love and mercy intervened and I was spared.

That began a journey of slowly recovering my identity in Christ, where I learned—among other things—who I am, but beyond that, who He is. How great, how mighty, how powerful, how all-consuming He is.

And I can say with all honesty, I have grown. I have come to see our depravity, our brokenness, and our need for Him. I have learned to trust Him in my doubts and to follow Him in my uncertainties.

Yet, I still struggle. I struggle because in the daily grind of life, there are things I choose over Jesus. I choose instant gratification, relief from pain—emotional or physical—and escape over perseverance. And in doing all those things, I choose a path which leads to my own destruction.

But this struggle has just made something sink in even deeper for me: I need Jesus, daily, hourly, by the minute, every second. I need to remember Him constantly. I need to know Him more.

He has so much more to offer than the pleasure I gain from indulging in pornography, sexual thoughts, and masturbation. He wants to free me from being enslaved to pleasing myself and living for myself. He has made me clean, pure, blameless, and righteous in His sight. I no longer bow to sin, myself, or the devil as my master. Jesus is my only true love and glorious King.

“Dear God, I come before You, humbled, seeking Your forgiveness. I want to love You, so much more than I do now. I want to know You more, so much than I do now. I’m tired of turning back, of always striving, but I’m not tired of being on my knees before You, and before Your people.”

So once again, if you are reading this, I plead with you to pray.

Pray for me. Pray for your loved ones. Pray for the lost. Pray for yourselves.

And may our God hear our prayers, and free us from the sins that pull us away from Him.

 

The post was originally published on the writer’s blog here. This version has been edited by YMI.

4 comments
  1. Maria
    Maria says:

    Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable part of yourself, and in way helping Christians who are ensnared in sexual sin. I will pray for you! and for me, and for all Christians out there. Committing to loving Christ and doing His will is a battle. It’s a war that we fight against our carnal selves and most importantly a war that we cannot win if we don’t understand the power of prayer.

    Reply
  2. Nap Torremocha
    Nap Torremocha says:

    I pray that God will give you strength to overcome any temptations which is related to lustful thoughts and deeds. I also pray that He’ll always protect you from the enemies specially from satan.

    Reply
  3. KJ
    KJ says:

    Thank you for openly sharing your struggles truthfully. I too struggle with lust and temptations. No one is immune from it. But I pray that through His power, God will give us the strength to flee from those thoughts and snares of temptations and run to His throne of grace as we seek Him and find fullness and fulfillment in Him.

    Reply
  4. Anthony
    Anthony says:

    Hello, thank you for sharing this story or your experience. I am also plagued with the same situation and I was looking for what to do. Thank you very much because you’ve given me hope that I am loved by God and I should be sincere with him. I’ll pray for you and I ask you please also do the same for me. I hope we can be friends

    Reply

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