Many people, when they think about their fathers, feel security, acceptance, and love.
As for me? My emotions towards you change as the years go by; they flash in and out of my life like harsh bursts of reality, unstable and unpredictable as your patterns of behavior towards me.
When you beat me one too many times as a child and my wounds were tended to in the hospital, l forgave you, wanting to believe that you would never strike me again. And yet, you did. When you employed witchcraft against me, l prayed that the scales of lies from the enemy would fall from your eyes.
When you refused to speak to me these last three years, despite my attempts to make contact with you, l prayed for God to soften your heart, so we could reconcile and find peace. And when you finally wrote to me to tell me that you have reconnected with other family members, and that you are happy with the life you lead without me, l felt anger, exclusion, and confusion at your prideful and unforgiving heart.
You’ve made it clear to me that you hold me in low esteem, but, l won’t allow your opinions to steal my peace. For l know the love of a Father. God loves me and has adopted me as His own (Psalm 27:10).
God’s love, mercy, and grace cover my frailties and the weaknesses that you can’t see past. Like a small child, l can run to God and He will always open His arms wide to catch me and offer me protection, provision, and love. He is my Papa.
I may fall short of your expectations, but because of God’s gracious sacrifice, l never fall short of His. Even if I never matter to you, I know I will always matter to God.
It is not my place to repair our relationship without your cooperation. All I can do is be your daughter, and hope you’ll fulfill your duty as a mature, responsible parent. However, as a Christian, l do have my own duty: To love through the blood of Jesus Christ that flows through my veins, for God is love (1 John 4:8).
Therefore, l will continue to pick up the shattered fragments of our relationship; I will pray for a softening of your heart from the brittleness of pride. I will pray for peace and unity in our family. And most of all, l will pray that you and my mother will come to know the love of God that l experience every day through the gift of Jesus Christ’s Salvation.
And hopefully, in the future, we will be able to piece back the jagged shards of our father-daughter relationship. The cracks will be visible, a reminder of the pain that both of us have endured.