Relationship Goals: Expectations vs. Reality
Written by Wendy Wong
Layout and Design by Adrianne Walujo & Meliana Sari Dewi
Photos of couples holding hands, hugging, and kissing, as they gaze into each other’s eyes in pure bliss.
Listicles describing a soulmate as someone “who knows exactly how to deal with you, flaws, mood swings and all,” and who is “always there to catch you when you fall.”
Do any of these sound familiar?
If so, it’s because these are mirrored in close to 18 million posts tagged as #relationshipgoals on Instagram.
Relationship goals are what we aspire for in our own love life. And many of these goals often have something to do with how we feel or how our ideal partner makes us feel.
My Early List of #relationshipgoals
For my five-year-old self, it was dancing in a ballroom with the boy I liked. I was entranced by one particular scene from Beauty and the Beast of Belle on the arm of her lover, as they pranced around a grand ballroom. For some time, I imagined myself in a yellow gown, gazing adoringly into the eyes of whichever boy in kindergarten I fancied at the time.
This was just the beginning. My understanding of what a relationship should look like was a patchwork quilt of qualities, expectations and ideas I had read, watched, or heard from somewhere growing up.
As a teenager, I imagined my ideal boyfriend as tall, dark and lean; sensitive and soft-spoken; and an artistically-inclined bookworm who could strum me a love song and write love letters that would melt my heart.
We’d spend every waking moment together, read each other’s minds before the other even said a word, and bring such laughter and joy to each other’s lives like no one or nothing else could.
He would understand me perfectly and love me unwaveringly, a mirror to my soul and the light in my life.
I never said this all out loud, but somewhere deep inside that’s what I expected my future relationship to look like.
Of course, my first relationship at 15 didn’t pan out that way at all. To begin with, I wasn’t even that interested in him—we got together because we were bored teenagers who wanted to explore what it was: the 24/7 texting and talking, going out on dates and holding hands in public, and being known as a girlfriend and as having a boyfriend.
He promised to love and protect me, and to marry me one day even. While I initially batted these proclamations of love away, a part of me shyly, truly, believed in our future together—in him, as a person, as my boyfriend.
In hindsight, the both of us just wanted to feel loved. Sure, we experienced the giddy infatuation of a first love—but also the inevitable heartbreak stemming from our immaturity and inability to love each other, imperfections and all.
Our breakup and his disappearance from my life was as sudden and swift, as the many promises he had made to me throughout the course of our short-lived romance—promises which I had clung to, and later cried over for a long time.
Finding That Picture-Perfect Relationship
Fastforward many years later, I tied the knot with my now-husband. Over the two years of our courtship, I fell deeper in love with him every day. Ours was a blissful, romantic, head-in-the-clouds kind of love: I would wake up in the mornings thinking of him, with a goofy smile on my face, and every text and conversation we had made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. We hardly argued, and were the sort of lovey-dovey couple you’d hate to see (cough).
We were living out The Love Story told and played out in every fable, song, book, and movie, sold to us with every sentence written and lyric sung and scene painted.
While our relationship might have looked like the typical picture-perfect reel you see on your social newsfeed (#relationshipgoals), staying in that state of “blissfully in love” just doesn’t last.
Even though my spouse tried his best to love me, he failed at times—and so did I. When he inadvertently hurt me, I realised how much hope I had placed in him to fulfill those #relationshipgoals and keep us going. I began to see his flaws, and I couldn’t help but feel crestfallen, cheated almost.
I shouldn’t have been surprised by this fact though—the both of us are only human after all. And ultimately, he can’t meet all my expectations, needs and wants, nor love and understand me unconditionally—and neither could I for him.
The Problem with #relationshipgoals
The biggest problem about these so-called #relationshipgoals is that they require both sides to put in the same amount of effort, to achieve that desired state of feeling fully loved at all times.
But reality, as we all know it, is far from it—we’re all selfish at our core and limited in our capacity to love. And this plays out not just in our romantic relationships, but familial and professional ones too—where we inevitably experience hurts, conflict and brokenness.
This makes me wonder: Does a perfect relationship actually exist? Can we ever attain those #relationshipgoals we’ve been using to measure our relationships?
What if I told you that the answer is not in striving to attain a list of relationship goals, but in resting in our relationship with the perfect partner? Someone who will never break His word or fail us in any way, who knows us personally and intimately, and who still loves us so much that He would go to the lengths of dying for us?
That’s Jesus.
He didn’t just profess or promise to die for us—He actually, really, did.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
— Romans 5:8
Jesus did so, even without us having to put in any effort on our part.
But who is Jesus and why did He even need to die for us in the first place?
Well, the Bible tells us that Jesus is our Creator God, who came into this earth in the form of a human (John 1:1, 14; John 10:30). He chose to die on our behalf, to pay the penalty for the sins and wrongdoings of the world—including yours and mine (1 John 2:2). And He did this, so that we can be reconciled to God Himself, and to experience and enjoy a relationship with Him that lasts for all eternity (1 Peter 3:18).
This is the kind of love we were created to know and experience and delight in—in God Himself, who is our true “soulmate”. After all, He is our Creator, Savior, and Heavenly Father.
And it’s a love that He beckons us towards—even when we ignore, reject, and despise Him.
The Ultimate #relationshipgoal
As His beloved child who has both experienced His love and who has the perfect example of love, I can tell you that the relationship goals of this world can never compare to the love God has for us—a love that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from […] in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39).
Because God is love, because He first loved us, and because He models for us what true love is, we can love others with His perfect love, both romantically and otherwise (1 John 4:19).
If you’re looking for a #relationshipgoal that’s attainable and lasts beyond the fleeting moments of passion—Jesus invites you to experience it for yourself through a relationship with Him. Would you consider accepting His invitation and getting to know more about the love that He has for you?
If this writing has touched you in any way, we hope you will pick up a Bible and take a look at what it says about God and the good news He is giving you. You can also contact a Christian friend or a nearby church to speak to someone who can tell you more.
You can also click on the banner below to learn more about God and to read the many resources we have to help you.
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I love it we’re teaching me a lot things here thank you so much.
Lovely read. We can have the ultimate #RelationshipGoals when we develop a relationship with Christ.
Really awesome layout & design by Adrianne and Meliana. Kudos guys!
I really love it, thank you for yours lives in service of the Lord <3
Beautiful truth
This is so beautiful! God bless you.
JESUS LOVES YOU AND ME …God bless YOUUUU
Loved this article, So cute and well made!
Wow! It got me reading till the end. #God’s love and a personal relationship.
Thank you for this great article, truly love it. God bless you
It’s true,as a human we are not perfect. Best example of love is how Jesus loved us, even when we were sinners.
True love is way beyond any measures or checklist.
But I am sure,if you find true love.Your heart will be filled with calmness
My heart is blessed by reading your article 🙂
Thank you for sharing this!