When Marrying A Christian is Not Good Enough

Written By Sandy Zhuang, China, originally in Simplified Chinese

I had always thought that marrying a Christian would surely secure happiness in my life.

After all, I was taught that conflicts would be more likely to arise if a couple did not subscribe to the same beliefs, whereas a couple with the same faith would be of the same mind when they made important family decisions, such as how to bring up their children. I was constantly reminded of the principle in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers”, and told by older Christians, “You have to marry a Christian.”

So when I met my future husband, I expected to be guaranteed success in marriage. Indeed, he seemed to be the perfect choice. A dedicated full-time evangelist, he had been serving God for many years and was well known for his maturity, stability, responsibility, and teachable heart. (And he was good-looking too.) What could possibly go wrong?

You can imagine how excited and hopeful I was when we tied the knot. Not only was it a dream come true, but I was also sure that a perfect marriage lay ahead. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

At first, my husband continued to live up to my expectations. He was enthusiastic and zealous in his service to God, and at the same time, did his best to meet all my needs and fulfil his filial duties to my parents. We kept up our “date nights” and “daily prayer time”, believing that these were what a model Christian couple should do.

But after a while, the dates and Quiet Time became routine, and the quarrels—sometimes late into the night—began to take their toll. I started to feel unhappy about the marriage and dissatisfied with my husband, and began to wonder, “Why is it just not enough to have a sweet and loving Christian husband who loves God?”

It was then, that I realized where I had gone wrong. I had unknowingly made my husband my only pillar of support—and forgotten God in the process.

My husband was the first person I turned to for help whenever I encountered a difficulty or something was troubling me—and not God. He had seemed easier to “access” than God, whom I could not see or hear, but I had forgotten that my husband, no matter how good, was still an imperfect human being. Worse still, my reliance had become a burden to him, putting him under unnecessary pressure, which affected our relationship.

In short, I had made the mistake of trying to seek lifelong happiness through my husband instead of God. I had turned him into my idol.

For a marriage of two imperfect people to succeed, both parties need to first depend on God to grow. God must be their first priority, not each other. For apart from God, no single person or thing—including an excellent partner—can bring us true satisfaction in life. Only God can do so.

So, over time, I learned to depend on God first, instead of just my husband. Whenever I faced problems, I would ask God for help first. And whenever I felt discouraged or troubled, I would also cry out to God first, drawing comfort and strength from Him. Of course, I would still turn to my husband for support, but I learned to seek God first.

After some time, I started to feel happier and more satisfied, both with the marriage and my husband. It lifted a load off my husband’s back as well.

So, no matter what your current status is—whether you have already said your vows at the altar or are still waiting—I encourage you to turn to our trustworthy God. He is our greatest source of support, and only He can bring us true satisfaction and lifelong happiness.

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