By Megan Low, Australia
Woke up this morning feeling incomplete, discouraged and extremely lousy. I was thinking about my inabilities.
I do not know how to share the gospel in my primary language, or speak a second fluently. I am not good at drawing. I can’t read music. I can only play the drums. But who plays the drums solo? Who records drumbeats only? No one writes solo music pieces for drums. Moreover, I was told that my writing did not meet the expected standard—and all along, I have always thought that I write well. I felt useless.
But I know, in every situation we have two choices. We can choose to rebel against God by questioning His will in our circumstances, or we can trust that He knows what is best for us and will use these circumstances to mold us to His likeness. For some people grow closer to God through trials, and I know I am one. When I realize that I can’t depend on my own human strength, it is then that I know I must lean on God’s.
Then I boarded the train to go to work. It was so packed that I felt like I was in a can. I didn’t feel any better at work. I felt like a robot that was supposed to churn out whatever was and is expected of me. No one seems to care about how I am and what I think. They just want me to do what they say.
This struggle isn’t new to me. It threatens me on bad days like today and consumes me when I am not doing well. I want to be recognized for what I have to offer, and not be remembered for what I cannot do. I want to know that I am alive and human, and that my life can mean something to someone. I want to be loved, listened to, and recognized as someone with the power to make a difference. I want to know that someone cares about me, and that I matter to someone. I want to know that I can really make a positive difference despite my failings and weaknesses. I want to know that God can use me.
According to the world’s standard, if we do not succeed at something, especially what we like to do, then we are a failure. But I know better. Life for us is to build our relationship with God whose love does not depend on what we can or cannot do. The most wonderful thing is that God’s love does not change.
Casting Crowns wrote a song called “Praise You in This Storm” which takes its inspiration from Psalm 121:1-2, “I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Yes, amidst the inner turmoil, I can praise Him because He is my Help. In His unfailing love, I find strength for each new day.